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how to have convesation without offending

(11 Posts)
mailfuckoff Wed 12-Oct-16 17:02:03

My in laws and I normally have a good relationship. They help us with childcare on occasion and enjoy taking dc out on weekends. I sometimes worry they do you much as fil hasn't been well and I don't want to tire him out. This week they are helping out a lot as dh has unexpected long days and it's busy week for me at work. However they have been returning dc very late for a school night even when asked not too and dc aren't getting the rest they need. I am very grateful for the support they give us but I do need them to understand that dc need to be home on a school night for shower, homework etc as well as the fact I would like to spend time with them. Dc also come home testing the barriers with me as they let them get away with murder. Any ideas?

adora1 Wed 12-Oct-16 17:15:53

Call them when they have the children and remind them that you need them home by such and such a time, eventually they will get the message, you don't have to be rude.

As for the behaviour, that comes with the benefit of having babysitters; something you will have to deal with really.

NataliaOsipova Wed 12-Oct-16 17:18:46

I think I'd set a time and give a generic but decent reason - eg "Seems to be a big homework week this week - would it be all right if we said 7 to get them home?" Then buy them a box of chocs/bunch of flowers at the end of the week to thank them for all their help.

mailfuckoff Wed 12-Oct-16 17:22:06

Thanks, we do say being them back by x but time keeping isn't a priority for them as dc are having so much fun :-). I will speak to DH about getting them a gift as they have been really helpful so a bunch of flowers is definitely in order.

iPost Wed 12-Oct-16 17:24:06

Rather than GPs dropping them off, can one of you two pick them up at a time that ensures they'll be home when you need them to be ?

They might be running out of steam at the wrong end of the day which can slow things down, especially if kids go all "one more minute!" and heel draggy about facing the kerfuffle of getting ready to leave.

mailfuckoff Wed 12-Oct-16 17:26:44

We offer to pick them up by in laws day they are going somewhere else anyway , they are really kind and lovely and don't like to tell dc off or hurry them up.

category12 Wed 12-Oct-16 17:36:56

Well if it's just for a week, I would let it go.

Somerville Wed 12-Oct-16 18:29:09

Insist on turning up for them for a while.

Or, blame it on someone else. Say the youngest child's teacher/football coach/ dinner lady has pointed out how tired s/he is and it's made you realise they need an earlier bedtime. So you need them home by 7 in future in term time. And then offer again to pick them up, so that it takes the pressure off them for time keeping.

Also I'd get their son to discuss this with them, rather than you doing it.

BolshierAryaStark Wed 12-Oct-16 20:03:21

If it's just a week I'd let it go & appreciate the help they've given you.

YetAnotherGuy Wed 12-Oct-16 20:33:25

NataliaOsipova - excellent idea

pallasathena Thu 13-Oct-16 08:25:21

Confide in them. If you explain the worries you have about homework, tiredness for example they'll surely respond helpfully.
They probably think that by keeping the kids until late, they're 'helping'.

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