Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Relationship breakdown, what next...?

(3 Posts)
Dudette29 Wed 12-Oct-16 16:34:03

Hi there,

I'm after some advice please regarding a situation I've recently found myself in. I've spoken to friends and family but feel I need the views of people not connected to what has been happening.

DP and I were together for 6yrs. We have one DD (3) and he has DC from previous relationship.

I moved into his house before DD was born, and thought we had a strong, healthy relationship. On the occasions we did argue, it was mainly around his DC (he recognised this but did nothing to improve things) We were engaged and had our wedding booked.

Basically the relationship between DP and my family broke down, too much to detail but he did nothing to try and resolve the problems, even though my family did.

He turned aggressive one night which resulted in me sustaining injuries and the police were called.
The day after he threw me out of his home with DD and the only contact we've had since has been via text and emails.

He's threatening me with court action and is looking for joint custody of DD.

I am absolutely devasted and feel like my world has ended.
On one hand I know he is an absolute b*stard for doing what he did (I've had no apology) but on the other hand I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact our relationship has broken down because of something which was out of my control and I still feel there is 'unfinished business' which we could possibly address.

Has anyone been in a situation similar to this? Can anyone share their experiences which might help me see this more clearly?

It's been a while now since I've moved out and he's made no effort to contact DD, although I know he sees his other DC regularly.

Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. I just feel so alone , and in a position I never thought i would be in.

I also have the prospect of cancelling our wedding as I know he'll leave it all for me to do...

How do you think I should proceed in these circumstances?

Thanks in advance.

category12 Wed 12-Oct-16 17:21:01

Well, if he isn't making efforts to see his dd, it's seems like his threat to go for joint custody is probably just a threat.

When you say you sustained injuries, you mean he beat you or shoved you into something, yes? So you know what I am going to say, right? Violence whether direct (or indirect) against you, is unacceptable and it's a good thing that you are no longer together. You might want to talk with domestic violence support services.

I think you should talk to your family and ask them to cancel the wedding arrangements with or for you.

SandyY2K Wed 12-Oct-16 19:05:22

Why is he after joint custody when he hasn't bothered to see her since? I'd make contact and ask if and when he'd like to see his daughter. Do it in writing for evidence later.

Sometimes in life you never get closure.

He didn't do anything to mend the issues with him and your family.

He threw you and his 3 year old daughter out

He caused you physical harm.

What else can you do. You just have to accept that even though you had some good times, he ultimately wasn't or isn't the one for you.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now