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Feeling like a child around parents

(6 Posts)
Captainladder Wed 12-Oct-16 13:12:30

I'm almost 40, I have children, a house, an amazing DH and run my own business. But I still feel like a child around my own parents. Does anyone have any websites/advice/books I could look into to help me feel more "grownup" around them? I find it hard to stand up to them and always seem to give thier needs more consideration then my own and sometimes more than my own kids/husbands. Its like I'm constantly looking for validation from them. They are quite controlling, used to getting what they want when they want, though generally its not unreasonable stuff....
My DH says I need to stand up to them, and I agree... but feel at a loss as to how to do that.
My mum is coming to visit us over half term (parents both live abroad) and I'm both looking forward to seeing her and also anxious because I know I will feel like a child in my own home.... any advice appriciated....

Newtoday Wed 12-Oct-16 13:58:08

This is a wonderful book which could be a good starting place!

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0143026704/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1476276640&sr=8-1&pi=QL40&keywords=life+lessons+for+the+adult+child&dpPl=1&dpID=21FtBC%2BWufL&ref=plSrch

I got it very cheaply for Amazon Kindle...

Captainladder Wed 12-Oct-16 14:11:08

thank you! I shall look into that tonight smile

pocketsaviour Wed 12-Oct-16 14:59:55

If You Had Controlling Parents by Dan Neuharth is probably worth a read, too.

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 12-Oct-16 15:24:37

Who invited her or did they really invite their own selves?.

Can you cancel her visit to you citing illness like D & V?.

It is not your fault they are like this, you did not make them this way. Their own parents did that lot of damage to them.

Many people who are from such families often have FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) in spades along with an overbearing need to seek their parents approval (approval btw they will never give you).

These people were not good parents to you, they are also unhealthy role models to your children as well and I would try and limit her direct influence around them as much as possible.

With relation to the book that pocketsaviour suggested there is an accompanying website:-

www.controllingparents.com/

Standing up to being controlled is very difficult because of the conditioning you've been subjected to.

I would suggest you read this too and find a therapist to work with. BACP are good and do not charge the earth.

Captainladder Wed 12-Oct-16 19:42:42

Thank you for your replies. attila I think they are not quite as bad as all that. I do get along with them but I just think I need to be more assertive around them. They are actually good people! My mum is on her way to visit my sister who has just moved to another country and she did ask if it was convenient to come back via us since it was half term... And I said yes because I do want to see her. Will look at the books and website.

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