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Do I owe him anything?

(20 Posts)
Notyourmelons Mon 10-Oct-16 21:06:21

Scared to be outed so will keep it brief.

Met my H 10years ago, since being together I have progressed significantly career wise with the help/support of my H.

We've had a happy relationship with your normal average hiccups.

However, every argument we have this is bought up - 'You'd be nothing if it wasn't for me', 'You owe me for sticking by' and a general feeling that I can't argue certain points as I should feel grateful for his presence in my life.

Is there a situation where by the above was true, should I be grateful? Do I owe him?

I'd of probably still progressed eventually in life, just not as early as I have.

redisthenewblack Mon 10-Oct-16 21:09:28

No. You owe him nothing.

He sounds emotionally abusive to be honest.

RandomMess Mon 10-Oct-16 21:09:57

Erm isn't the point of a relationship to support one another as much as you are able to.

Not about owing anything, it's about being a good/decent/"normal" partner...

ImperialBlether Mon 10-Oct-16 21:14:37

Ugh. I'm sorry, but he doesn't love you, OP, and frankly he sounds jealous and is trying to put you in your place.

Notyourmelons Mon 10-Oct-16 21:15:58

Red - that's what I was worried about. It's not the only red flag. I've done this all before unfortunately, i just don't think I'm strong enough this time.

ImperialBlether Mon 10-Oct-16 21:54:27

You're worried you're not strong to put up with him or to dump him?

TheNaze73 Mon 10-Oct-16 21:59:49

Why has he done that? Was it agreed by you both at the start? If so he's being a twat. You see it a lot in reverse

Notyourmelons Mon 10-Oct-16 22:01:05

Imperial - sadly the latter

NeedABanner Mon 10-Oct-16 22:02:05

I hope you're strong enough to leave him. The rest of you life is a loooong time to be with such a twat.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 10-Oct-16 22:23:55

Are you strong enough to spend the rest of your life with him?

ImperialBlether Mon 10-Oct-16 22:34:45

I think you're strong enough, OP. It seems as though you've reached a turning point. Stay on here and we'll support you.

iminshock Mon 10-Oct-16 22:45:52

Well when my bf left her husband she used exactly your husband's argument to claim half of everything HE had earned.
And I bet mumsnet would have supported her.

iminshock Mon 10-Oct-16 22:46:51

Is that maybe what he is angling for ?

Notyourmelons Tue 11-Oct-16 08:28:27

Iminshock - not likely. Everything we have I consider as ours. I dont have anything personally that he could gain if we ever did break up.

To the outside world he's a perfect partner though, they haven't seen that side to him. A divorce could/would get mess and I suspect he'd get nasty. Not violent, but controlling in other ways.

pocketsaviour Tue 11-Oct-16 08:39:12

Well when my bf left her husband she used exactly your husband's argument to claim half of everything HE had earned. And I bet mumsnet would have supported her.

You mean we'd have supported a woman's right to get what she was legally entitled to in the event of divorce? Yeah, I'll go along with that. Don't you sound a lovely "friend"... hmm

Melons - anyone who says you "owe" them for some intangible thing pretty much wipes out the "debt" just for making such a twattish statement.

Cabrinha Tue 11-Oct-16 09:09:10

I wouldn't want to be married to someone who I believed would get nasty in a divorce. That means they're a cunt, and that's not good husband material. So scary as divorce can be - the fact it could be horrid (short term!) would be reason to do it!

And I agree it takes more strength to live with this shit long term than it does to end it with short term grief.

Get 80s today - I want you singing "I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar..." today grin

Prawnofthepatriarchy Tue 11-Oct-16 09:45:44

What he's describing, that your relationship has helped you, is what relationships are supposed that do. You don't expect to be worse off, do you? Next time he comes out with all this bollocks I'd ask him.

LisaMed1 Tue 11-Oct-16 09:58:30

Human League

Just because he helped you doesn't mean that you would not have been successful on your own. He may well have picked you because he knew you were going to do well.

Or is he threatened because you succeed?

hellsbellsmelons Tue 11-Oct-16 14:57:21

How has he helped you?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 11-Oct-16 15:17:29

What do you think you would have to be strong about in a divorce? Is there anything specific? As for A divorce could/would get mess and I suspect he'd get nasty. Not violent, but controlling in other ways. People here have been there and got the T-shirt. If you want to find a way to ready yourself to leave, ask the MN vipers what he might pull and how to handle it.

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