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Porn watching has really bothered me. A little long sorry

(19 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Drquinn Mon 10-Oct-16 17:24:52

Ok, so me and my do have been together for over a year and live together now. I do not have a issue at all with masturbation or the watching of porn. However, due to how we got together ( started very casual, he initially was more interested in someone else but we were constantly drawn together) and his inmate lack of any kind of compliments I have begun to suffer a lack of confidence. Most of which I realise is more down to me rather than him. He is literally the nicest person in the world and would never in a milliOn years do anything intentional to upset me. And is usually devestated when he realises he has.

Thing is, I just found out that he has been watching ( and masturbating to) porn and its the ' real person' kind such as live webcams and ametuer stuff. And thIs has literally shaken me to my core. I feel so undesirable and inadequate. And I know it's normal etc etc because it wouldn't normally bother me.
I guess I just really need some one to tell me it's ok??? He's not gonna leave me for the next female who comes along just because he occasional watches this stuff

ihatethecold Mon 10-Oct-16 17:30:45

If it bothers you it bothers you.
No one can tell you that you have to be ok with it.
I'm not keen and would feel the same if my dh was doing that on a regular basis.
Strangers can't tell you to be cool with it if you're not.

PotOfYoghurt Mon 10-Oct-16 17:31:52

You would get more help if you asked for this to be moved to a different board, like relationships. It's not really a parenting issue. The people over in the relationships board are very helpful.

PotOfYoghurt Mon 10-Oct-16 17:32:39

Sorry ihate, I didn't realise that came across as insinuating you weren't helpful! I meant in general

booksandcoffee Mon 10-Oct-16 17:32:59

Sorry, but I don't think it is normal. We all have various moral codes, but this is the objectification of women. Is that really acceptable to you? I am saying that as a man. You need to talk it out with him and set boundaries, all the more so if it shakes you to the core. Good luck.

Drquinn Mon 10-Oct-16 17:35:40

Ah, sorry. I really did not realise I posted in the wrong subject

Somerville Mon 10-Oct-16 17:37:59

There's no way that he's the nicest man in the world - literally or figuratively - if he is not just getting off on the objectification of women but also an active participant in live webcam sessions.

Sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear. But it's what I firmly believe.

And YY to perhaps asking HQ to move this to another section.

PotOfYoghurt Mon 10-Oct-16 17:38:56

If you report your post MNHQ will move it over for you.

I hope things work out.

AnyFucker Mon 10-Oct-16 17:39:43

I for one will not tell you to "get over it"

Porn usage is not "normal" for many people and lots of folk (men and women) will not tolerate it in their relationship

Yes, it's true, most men have seen porn (who hasn't?) but to use it regualarly when you are in a stable relationship ? That is a deal breaker for me and I know I am not alone in that stance.

Drquinn Mon 10-Oct-16 18:26:03

I have asked for post to be moved.
It seems people have an issue with porn I general, which I don't when it's an occasional thing. This has happened twice in a year so hardly a 'habit'. And he's not actively participating in webcams, that's maybe not this best way to explain it. It's uploaded videos of women rather than ' porn stars'. And this is my issue, the normal ness of the women. They could be literally anyone! Some one I work with, someone he works with. Someone in the checkout line in Tesco... I think my issue is that if this is his fantasy is someone normal, what am I not giving him?

AnyFucker Mon 10-Oct-16 18:29:13

The inadequacy is all his own, mate

IonaMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 10-Oct-16 21:12:25

Hi folks. We're moving this over to Relationships now.

leaveittothediva Mon 10-Oct-16 22:01:38

It's not normal, it can lead to addiction and then inability to have normal sexual relations. You need to seriously discuss this with him. You are contradicting yourself by saying you don't have an issue with him watching porn, but its shaken you to your core.Think about that. He has a real live, beautiful woman that he's chosen to live with and supposedly love, and he's wanking off to woman on a Webcam. That's f*****g tragic. Don't worry about losing him to the next female that comes along. He too busy pleasuring himself to notice her.

TheNaze73 Mon 10-Oct-16 22:31:49

leaveit beat me to it. You obviously do have a problem with porn or you wouldn't have posted.

I think if it bothers you, you should say something. Does he do it in secret or do you ever watch it together?

Drquinn Tue 11-Oct-16 13:31:35

It's not going to lead to an addiction of porn.. I don't think twice in A year is bad at all. And I do not have an issue with porn. If he had watched some kind of cheesy porn star trash. As I'm sure people do. But thanks all for your answers

leaveittothediva Tue 11-Oct-16 13:41:00

Sorry OP, you can't be helped, read your last statement on here. Ffs.Are you serious. Good luck, I've a feeling your gonna need it.

ilivehappilyeverafter Tue 11-Oct-16 14:01:25

Twice a year? Is that what he told you? Trust me, porn does all kinds of damage to relationships and in the end it's you thats going to be left with all the feelings of low self confidence an inadequacy. Been there got the t-shirt and to this day he still doesnt think he has issues with porn despite doing an online thing in trying to quit it. I got pestered to death to dress up in a certain outfit to please him, never did as it was all about his needs not mine. Turns out it was the costume in his fav porn movie. I was told in the beginning he just watched it the odd time...yeah right it ended up him not seeing me as a human being, but someone to use for his pleasure.

Tarttlet Tue 11-Oct-16 14:09:54

"he initially was more interested in someone else but we were constantly drawn together) and his inmate lack of any kind of compliments"

Sounds like his porn usage is upsetting you because you don't feel secure in the relationship.

adora1 Tue 11-Oct-16 16:33:02

He sounds crap, it's only be a year and he's already replacing a real life sex life with webcams, how bloody insulting, his behaviour for me would kill any fondness I had for him, what a complete sleaze.

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