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How do I get out of this?

(2 Posts)
Ineedoutofhere Mon 10-Oct-16 11:24:07

I'm so unhappy and don't know where to turn. Have been with husband for 10 years, we have 4 children aged from 2 to 8. Eldest has emotional/psychological issues, 4 year old has a difficult medical condition which can mean sudden dashes to hospital at a moment's notice. I was in a good job as a qualified professional when we met, climbing the career ladder. We agreed I would take a short break when #3 and #4 came along, but as I have the potential to earn a lot more than him, it always made sense to return before too long. He loved me as a feisty business woman and my career drive. However, after having children he has reverted to some sort of 1950's throw-back. Woman's place is in the home, I should support him in his job, not concentrate on mine. I defied his wishes, lied when I went out (was actually going for interviews) and he grudgingly accepted me returning to work when he saw how much I could bring in, even part time. However, I have to cover all childcare costs and if the children are ill I have to take time off. He will not have it any other way. To add to all this, he is a functioning alcoholic - to the outside world an amazing Dad and helpful around the house, but when the children are in bed and the doors closed tot he rest of the world he drinks himself to sleep on many occasions, leaving me to deal with the children during wakings/illness etc (which is frequently).

I want out. I have tried the CAB but apparently I can't speak to anyone as they do not cover my area. I have tried calling solicitors, but they won't talk to me over the phone and say I need an appointment during office hours. I have taken so much time off to cover the children's illnesses recently that I am in danger of losing my job if I take any more time off (holiday long since used up). I have no-one local I can call on to help with childcare/school runs either. I would have to travel a fair distance to get to a solicitor that deals with marital splits as there are none in my local town, so again I'm finding myself up against brick walls. I feel so trapped. My children are of course a blessing, but right now they feel like an anchor around my neck. I am aware how awful that sounds. If it were just me, I could leave this toxic relationship easily and stay with my parents, but they can't put us all up so I am stuck where I am with seemingly no help or guidance available. What can I do?

JunosRevenge Mon 10-Oct-16 12:00:11

Have you contacted Women's Aid OP?

Coercion and controlling behaviour counts as domestic abuse. They will be able to help you.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

Good Luck flowers

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