Friendships and family, which I feel like I don't belong anymore...

[Creativeandpetite2016]

Hi,

Im a very sensitive quiet and reserved person and all my life I have struggled to be the same or maybe fit in to what people are doing in their lives. I find all my friends at the moment who I have known for many years are very much into their drink, going out, meeting up for lunch which is lovely but its not something I enjoy as I feel I don't have anything in common with them.

I feel slightly nerdy if I dare admit it..lol, like I am into reading, starting up businesses and never really drink unless its one glass per week, if that but hardly anything as drinking doesnt really do anything for me and the whole social scene with groups of girls I just don't get, like I feel I am some strange weirdo and always leave early not wanting to be the same as them. Pretending I am having fun, I think it may be a confidence issue and feel socially awkward unless I am with 1 or 2 people I know as well as my partner.

I have found its getting worse over the years, I am in my early thirties now and all I want to do is read, go to the gym, work and see my partner, he goes out more than I do, seeing friends once in a blue moon or if its work related sees his friends then or goes away with friends too for a week every now and again, but for me, its like I don't want to do this or feel like I want to, if I did I may only do it because its the norm and its what everyone does.

My partner made an interesting statement the other day saying I wouldnt have liked him in his late thirties as he was very out there, drinking, friends etc but then says to me he is the same as me....and doesnt want that anymore, I guess I am worried in case he gets bored of me and starts to do just that when he was younger and admired a man who was out with friends the other day who was in his late fifties flirting with women and made a comment saying "good for him, there is hope for us yet still going out enjoying ourselves at that age!"

Even my mum is out there and so is my dad with friends everyday pretty much, lunches, drinks, parties and out more than I ever was and they are in their sixties and seventies which is great as they have loads of energy but for me Im kind of thinking where am I in life?

I love my job, but like to study and learn more, I love my travelling and skiing as well as my adorable partner but I cant help but feel I need something else...it may be all I want is to get married, settle down and have a family but not here where I live at the moment....however we are tied to this house for a few years yet....

I don't post on Facebook like my friends do about their going out experiences and their drinks nights out. if anything i don't post at all....

Im also finding my brother's partner is very close to my mum and updates her with her whereabouts and what she is doing, whereas I have found myself not like this and I think my mum finds me very different or even finds me too intense and boring.

Instead you see me reading, keeping myself to myself, wanting to look at new ways to improve myself physically or mentally or both and want to look at a new place to visit or a city break, or learn something new with my partner or on my own too....I feel such a loner but all I want really is to have people who are the same as me and I have only found this abroad and often wonder if I am meant to live somewhere else as the culture is so different, it does get me down and Im finding myself drifting from my family now too as in my parents and my brother and we aren't close either. I know this is something I have decided to do, its like I have to be true to me now.

Anyone else ever had this feeling or feel this too, like they know they arennt the big drinking person or this scene isn't for them?

I know its something i need to delve into more, but its also a part of me that others don't understand and I feel misunderstood by my friends which are slowly going out of my life...which is sad but we don't have anything in common, as they love drinking, nights out, lunches and have no career or wanting to change themselves or improve anything about their lives, but then thats just me I guess...

Thanks for reading, sorry its so long, just trying to get my head around this as it keeps on cropping up around me for a few years now....xx

[Happybunny19]

I wouldn't say I'm exactly like you've described, but I absolutely hate certain social situations like hen parties and avoid them at all costs. I also find the compulsion to post everything on Facebook bloody annoying and certainly wouldn't dream of doing so myself. At times I know I don't fit in with the norm with other school mums and am probably seen as weird, but in all honesty I really don't care. Who wants to be part of the normal crowd? Not me and I'm perfectly happy that way.

[pallasathena]

You need to accept who you are and celebrate the fact that you are living life on your terms.
I'm like you - prefer the road less travelled, enjoy solitary pursuits, am a thinker as well as a doer and don't get at all the constant round of socialising that friends and family seem to think is 'living life to the full'. I see it as a form of escapism personally and being rigidly conventional in their view of the world.
To thine own self be true!

[MorrisZapp]

Clearly you are drifting away from your friends, that's ok as you don't really enjoy their company anyway.

It would be a shame though to drift away from your family. Unless you actually find them unpleasant, I'd try to meet them in the middle I think.

Almost everyone gets to an age when boozing starts to look like hard work, and a good book and the sofa look like a perfect weekend. Entire comedy shows and a million threads on here can confirm this.

If you don't like going for lunch, then just meet up at birthdays etc or for a cuppa at each others homes.

It's normal.

[Creativeandpetite2016]

Thank you to you both, I like your thinking, yes perhaps its more of a acceptance, what is sad is that everyone seems to be, or more like my friends seem to be the same and that isn't something that makes me happy, I am not rebelling in any way its just I don't get it, but its interesting I am not alone thank you for sharing and understanding.

[MatildaTheCat]

You mention drinking over and over again as if it is the only way other people connect and socialise. It really is not. Apart from 'wanting to find people like me' I'm pretty unsure if you actually want to make new friends or simply feel you ought to?

If you want to meet like minded people you have to look in the right places. Join a society that deals with your interests. A class, a running group or discussion group. Get a dog, almost my entire social life is walking with friends and discussing every subject under the sun. No drinking requires other than coffee.

Or maybe accept yourself for who you are. A loner, so maybe you don't want or need any of that social engagement? That's perfectly OK. You clearly have any number of interests and are far from boring. You do, however, seem to have a very deeply held belief that being part of any friendship group equals going out drinking. It doesn't.

So what do you want?

[MorrisZapp]

I don't know if the introverts thread was saved to classics or something but you could search and find it. Loads of people feel just like you do.

[PandoNoPants]

I'm exactly like you...exactly! I get periods where I feel a bit jaded perhaps. I feel sad that I don't fit the norm (?).

Other times and most of the time I am content. I didn't want to read and run, but just wanted you to know that you're not alone. xx

[Mamaka]

Just a thought....do you relate to any of this? (Scroll down to where it says number 1, top bit is just blurb)

taniaannmarshall.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/moving-towards-a-female-profile-the-unique-characteristics-abilities-and-talents-of-asperwomen-adult-women-with-asperger-syndrome/