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Never saying 'goodnight' to partner and marriage plodding along

(68 Posts)
stupid123 Sat 08-Oct-16 22:11:27

It suddenly hit me today that we have never said goodnight when lights out for a year or more. Is this a big deal?

It was only when a friend asked this today that it hit home it does not happen. We share a bed and a cuddle some nights and some chat last thing at night, but books get put down and lights go out and no consideration to wish 'sweet dreams' etc.

Just wondered if this is odd?
Seems the norm to me and not a big deal.

Granted our relationship of 20 years is just plodding along. Not miserable but not hugely happy either. Just ok.
Should I say 'goodnight' at lights out in an hour?
Will it seem fake and forced?
And does it even matter!?

MohammedLover Sat 08-Oct-16 22:38:03

I can't remember the last time we did this. I like the idea, it was the sort of thing my grandparents did. However, I tend to forget at lights out!
A kiss on the way out in the morning is a must though.

useyourimagination Sat 08-Oct-16 22:39:53

Always say it. Every night unless one of us has gone up already and fallen asleep.

Penfold007 Sat 08-Oct-16 22:43:15

My H says good night but I'm a hit the pillow sleep type. We seem to manage

Jinglebellsandv0dka Sat 08-Oct-16 22:45:13

Just say it if you mean it. It won't do any harm.

In fact say one nice thing to him a day for a week to see what the response is.

IsNotGold Sat 08-Oct-16 22:46:26

I don't know
Over 20 years together here.
We have cuddled, kissed and said I love you every night.

I found out earlier this year he'd been having an affair for 3 years.

Marmalade85 Sat 08-Oct-16 22:48:25

Say it as you might not wake up in the morning.

cauliflowercheese14 Sat 08-Oct-16 23:04:25

Never say it - unless I am going upstairs to bed and he's not. Doesn't matter a bit! I say it to the kids when I'm settling them but that's as its part of the routine. What does matter is that you say you're unhappy.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig Sun 09-Oct-16 00:07:18

Never say goodnight. Never say goodbye when leaving. I never get a cup of tea in the morning, although I sometimes get one in the evening and I make him one. Didn't get a card or present for my 40th last year but he will pay for meals out and stuff. We're not very conventional but we rub along.

maras2 Sun 09-Oct-16 02:34:14

Married for 41 years.Kiss and cuddle and say goodnight,sleep tight every night whether doing other stuff or not smile.Since we retired a couple of years ago we ,for some reason,wake up holding hands.A bit like those otters you see on youtube smile.The reason for the late posting is our youngest DGC is staying the night and is due a feed very soon.Life is good.

NoMudNoLotus Sun 09-Oct-16 03:42:54

Maras that is beautiful.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 09-Oct-16 06:08:23

Always a kiss and "love you" here. But I would miss the morning kiss more if that went away.

SnaggleBeast Sun 09-Oct-16 06:11:27

What a cheery thought, marmalade.

hesterton Sun 09-Oct-16 06:28:13

Yes I was very uplifted by Marmalade's comment too! grin

Ragwort Sun 09-Oct-16 07:02:58

We always say 'good night' to each other - before we head off to our separate bedrooms (married 28 years) grin.

cherrytree63 Sun 09-Oct-16 07:15:02

IsNotGold....
How very sad for you, hope you're ok.
We only say goodnight if we're going up at different times. But we rarely share a bed these days because of his drinking.

Blerg Sun 09-Oct-16 07:18:53

We day goodnight and kiss, together 16 years.

We also say'good luck' because we are responsible for a small DC each over night 😄

daisychain01 Sun 09-Oct-16 07:28:30

Actually, take note of marmalade's comment. I left for work one day and my DH died suddenly.

Honestly, don't be " naaaah that could never happen to me". Where do you think the expression " don't let the sun go down on a quarrel" came from? Hint: statistically, so many people die in their sleep.

Just saying.

I am blessed to have a wonderful DH second time round and guess what, we say goodnight every night smile in fact my outlook since my late DH has changed for the better, enjoy each day like its the last.

daisychain01 Sun 09-Oct-16 07:30:18

Thank God the last words me and DH said to each other were I love you....

Laineymc7 Sun 09-Oct-16 08:14:11

We always say good night but we both work shifts so slip out quietly in the morning so to not wake the other up. No morning good byes or talking unless we are both up. Sleep is precious.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig Sun 09-Oct-16 13:22:45

Ooh, separate rooms... <wishful thinking>

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Sun 09-Oct-16 19:42:43

Like Ragwort, but 27 years in our case. And I could die at work; it's not a profession with many retirement parties.

hollyisalovelyname Sun 09-Oct-16 19:57:16

IsNotGold
I hope you are ok.
I remember seeing a couple I knew. All lovey dovey. Wistfully thinking if only dh was more like that.
Turns out the husband was having an affair.
The wife was lovely but was left up sh*t creek without a paddle.
OP different strokes for different folks

MedicGirl Sun 09-Oct-16 20:04:07

Yes you should always say goodnight incase one of you dies in the night. It'll make all the difference in the months that follow. ;)

Daydream007 Sun 09-Oct-16 20:08:49

Don't worry, that's very normal.You said that you share a bed and cuddle some nights and chat, you are both clearly close to one another still so don't worry. If it bothers you about not saying goodnight then just say it - tonight.

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