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Do men generally get more miserable as they age?

(23 Posts)
FluffyBunnyWithBaseballBat Sat 08-Oct-16 08:02:08

DH is such a misery-guts. About everything. I was just thinking he never used to be like this 15 years ago he was definitely a nice positive guy encouraging, fun, sociable. When Dc were born 13 years ago we obviously had more responsibility, but he was still warm and kind. Now everything annoys him, nothing is every good enough, he sees the worst in everything. He's 50.

Can it just be a 'thing' when people reach a certain age they become disillusioned - I mean you do hear 'grumpy old men' as an expression? Will he emerge from it?

User14625592 Sat 08-Oct-16 08:05:39

There is definitely something in this I think. I think it's a realisation that the best years of their life and their main virile years are diminishing by the day!

So many men I work with in their late 40's and 50's are just waiting for their retirement and bemoaning their lot! The rest have taken up cycling!!!

insancerre Sat 08-Oct-16 08:08:47

Yes, its a thing and no, they don't emerge from it

I have just acquired the skill of looking like I'm listening, but really, I'm just nodding and making the right noises in the right places

Sigh

TrishanFlips Sat 08-Oct-16 08:09:30

Yeh - I think you're right - my DH seems to have got a lot grumpier and less patient - 20 years married.

barkinginessex Sat 08-Oct-16 08:13:22

Yes definitely agree with this! All the men in my family are grumpy and miserable and my DP is getting that way and he's only 30! Women however seem to get more fun and interesting with age.

JeepersMcoy Sat 08-Oct-16 08:13:37

My dh is mid 40s and I would say he is as happy as ever. My dad is 60s and despite having some pretty good reasons to be miserable (he was a carer for my mum who died of cancer 18 months ago) he is a very positive and great person to be around.

I really think this is a person thing rather than a gender thing, though maybe it is just more excepted in men so they can get away with being stroppy whereas women will always get good to 'cheer up love'.

Helmetbymidnight Sat 08-Oct-16 08:14:58

I don't think it's a thing and it's certainly not true of all men.

However it is true of dh smile

Horsemad Sat 08-Oct-16 08:16:01

Dunno about my DH but I have certainly got grumpier/ more cynical as I've got older!

Yet in other ways, I seem to have mellowed - not so liable to fly off the handle if upset.

Perhaps I Just. Don't. Care. Anymore. About. Anything... confused

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g Sat 08-Oct-16 08:18:29

No, it's not inevitable. My husband isn't like this, neither is my dad, neither is my brother. (Ages: 61, 82, 52.)

I agree with Jeepers - this is a person thing, not a m/f thing, but I also agree that people are more accepting of male grumpiness/stroppiness.

Joysmum Sat 08-Oct-16 08:19:01

This has happened to both DH and I to an extent. It comes of years of our good natures being taken advantage of and being let down. I think those with a higher expectation of people being continually disappointed can be hit worse.

However, my DH and I are united against the world so as grumpy as we can be about others, it's together and not against each other.

TheNaze73 Sat 08-Oct-16 08:45:44

Think it's a person thing & doesn't apply to all though. Some older guys I know, get more eccentric & they're fun to be around, whilst others seem to get this sudden realisation that they're in the Autumn part of their life, it isn't going to get any better & almost like user1462 said, are just counting down the days to retirement

ForalltheSaints Sat 08-Oct-16 09:00:29

Other than Morrissey, no. Most men my age and older I have known over a long period of time have become happier as they grow older.

Groundhogday2016 Sat 08-Oct-16 09:05:31

My theory is they get miserable as soon as children come along. I've seen it with all the men I work with. Maybe the sleepless nights give them a personality transplant.

I see it in the photos of my ex, a pained pissed off expression on family occasions like he didn't want to be there (he didn't.)

BuggerMyOldBoots Sat 08-Oct-16 09:25:30

It does seem to happen to a lot of men, doesn't it?

I agree re: a certain type of man getting miserable when children come along. I think it's because it's the first time the focus hasn't been on them

User14625592 Sat 08-Oct-16 09:43:37

There is the children thing. A lot of men I know just don't like the mundaneness of family life. They moan about their "boring wives" and "hard work" kids.

I asked one why is he still married if he feels like that and his answer was "all women become boring when they have kids so I might as well stick with the one I have"

Must be such fun being his wife!!

NapoleonsNose Sat 08-Oct-16 09:58:49

Definitely agree with this. DH (52) is as miserable as a miserable person from miserable land. I'm generally a happy and optimistic person but his negativity drags me down. Right now he is sighing and harumping in the corner about nothing in particular. He definitley wasn't always like this - 20 years ago he was nice to be around. My BiL (49) and FiL (78) are the same. Sadly my own DF died before he got to peak grumpiness so maybe it's just a family trait as my DB seems reasonably happy still at 40.

Happybunny19 Sat 08-Oct-16 10:33:20

Disagree with this personally. My OH has definitely mellowed with age. Seems generally more contented. I'm probably far more moody, but I'm still up at night with baby at the moment, so put that down to sleep deprivation. OH is incredibly tolerant of my moods too, must have got better. We argue less now too. I think you learn to pick your battles as you get older.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster Sat 08-Oct-16 10:54:09

Some of the generalisations on here! grin

Dowser Sat 08-Oct-16 10:55:05

A good loud 'Oi '

Can often work wonders.

Dowser Sat 08-Oct-16 10:57:30

I'm lucky . He can get the grumps, but only fleetingly. So can I for that matter.

Never last long but no he's definitely not a grumpy person.
Thankfully.
He wouldn't be here if he was.

ClaudiaApfelstrudel Sat 08-Oct-16 10:58:33

some will do and some won't, I think we need to move away from such generalisations OP

Timeandtune Sat 08-Oct-16 11:05:26

My DH is far mellowed than relaxed now. In our 30s and 40s we had work pressures, financial pressures and dependant children. We still have pressures of course but they are not as acute.

At the moment we are both in good physical health but if and when this changes the grumpiness may return. Now that we are older ( and wiser ) perhaps we are just more positive.

Sancia Sat 08-Oct-16 11:51:53

I dunno, if anything I'm the grumpier one. I'm a housewife and I utterly fucking hate it, every single dismal grey second of it, and every morning I wake up and think "Oh fuck, another day of it." Every day is exactly the same. Exactly. Small house, no space. Grim town. Grim, under-performing schools. Crime. Take kids to school. Pick up at lunch. Pick up at 3. Dinner. Bed. No family help, no babysitters, no 'date nights'. Never a second without kids. Not enough money for holidays or theatres or anything pleasant. And can't really see a way to improve matters. We've explored trying to move, or me trying to work, or trying to save for a treat, but the money isn't there.

Probably not just a man thing. Likely a circumstance thing. Perhaps they could identify what it is they want and then see how possible/realistic it is to do it. And if it isn't possible then... well, I dunno. Stay grumpy I guess.

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