Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Date- not for me. How to tell him?

(77 Posts)
Unrequitedlove Thu 06-Oct-16 08:49:58

Met a nice guy at the weekend but for me there is no spark.. I don't fancy him but he's a nice bloke and interesting and keen.. he's invited me around but I don't want to lead him on.. he could potentially be a friend.
I've no idea what to say.. awkward! How do I tell him nicely? Met OLD and I'm new to it..

Shoxfordian Thu 06-Oct-16 09:04:15

Just say "lovely to meet you at the weekend but I don't think we have a spark. Best of luck " or something like that

Alternatively, delete, & block (ghost)

Bountybarsyuk Thu 06-Oct-16 09:06:15

He doesn't want to be your friend, and presumably you don't need new friends, so it's a bit cruel to string him along on the 'friendship' basis.

Just send the text Shox said, and then block.

I think it's polite to let him know.

Unrequitedlove Thu 06-Oct-16 09:20:12

Ahh ok.. just reading on here the ladies who get the 'ghost' treatment, not sure I can be so harsh.. ok I'll just be honest..
I don't think you can have too many friends but thanks for spelling it out he doesn't want that..

happyandsingle Thu 06-Oct-16 09:30:47

I dont agree with ghosting its not a nice way to end things. A simple honest text just saying that you felt no spark but had a lovely time,wish him all the best etc
He probably will decline on the friendship bit as it was only one date you had.

Unrequitedlove Thu 06-Oct-16 10:03:42

Thing is if it was the other way around the blokes would be called all names on here for ghosting. Ok, trying to pluck up the courage to text

loobyloo1234 Thu 06-Oct-16 10:03:55

Don't ghost the poor guy? confused

What shitty advice? Just be upfront with him ... I'm sure he would appreciate that far more than you just going silent on him when he has actually done nothing wrong

Amandahugandkisses Thu 06-Oct-16 10:07:11

Just say " it was nice to meet you but I felt no spark." Don't string a friendship that's unfair. I would write that then block and delete.

Unrequitedlove Thu 06-Oct-16 10:13:16

Oh I'm soooo rubbish at this... I need to be more resilient.. you're absolutely right he hasn't done anything wrong .. I'm new to OLD the first person I've met...

fastdaytears Thu 06-Oct-16 10:16:02

If it's just been the one date I'd probably give it another go. Plenty of people on here say that they didn't feel the spark immediately but it grew. Hard to imagine for me, but you've not for anything to lose

pocketsaviour Thu 06-Oct-16 10:17:47

Thing is if it was the other way around the blokes would be called all names on here for ghosting.

Yes - that's why everyone's telling you not to ghost him.

Do you know what "ghosting" means? It means just not answering any texts, calls, emails etc. So literally the exact opposite of sending him a text.

loobyloo1234 Thu 06-Oct-16 10:20:46

If you felt no spark, it's completely fair to just tell him? Are you sure the fancying thing couldn't grow though?

I can't believe PP told you to ghost. Pls don't do that, it's so demoralising ... can you tell I'm talking from previous experience? grin

ample Thu 06-Oct-16 10:25:46

Just be honest. Honesty when served with a dollop of politeness doesn't need to be harsh. You're really doing him a favour by telling him now rather than later.
Good luck. On the upside at least you can text. I wouldn't be able to do it face to face these days, I'm yellow rusty.

It took me a good few minutes to work out what OLD stands for confused
< feeling old >

UpYerGansey Thu 06-Oct-16 10:33:00

Definitely message. Had similar experience recently. The date was really quite good, he was reasonably attractive, solvent, own home, employed, tall, had hair, dressed nicely. We even had a snog.
BUT he had a habit of wobbling his head when telling an anecdote, and I know that this would make me feel murderous in the medium to longer term.
I messaged him and said I'd had a lovely time, but didn't feel the chemistry was there and that I hoped that he'd meet someone lovely very soon.
He messaged back to say he was sorry to hear that, that he had been looking forward to getting to know me, but thanks for the message.

TheNaze73 Thu 06-Oct-16 11:08:50

I think with any situation like this, flip it & treat the situation how you would feel best treated. Simple text along the lines of what shox posted will do the trick. And don't offer to be friends after one date

Unrequitedlove Thu 06-Oct-16 13:26:55

Still haven't done it I'm such a coward!
How about..
Was great to meet you at the weekend, you're an interesting guy! I hope you appreciate my honesty but not sure we're suited..?

pocketsaviour Thu 06-Oct-16 13:32:11

Drop the "not sure" and replace with "don't think".

BlueFolly Thu 06-Oct-16 13:35:34

Would also drop the 'hope you appreciate my honesty'.

Would go with... 'Was great to meet you at the weekend. You're an interesting guy but I don't think we're suited.'

Unrequitedlove Thu 06-Oct-16 13:35:48

I've now had 3 messages this morning asking to meet.. I really have to message back so I'm going to do it now.. I feel awful!

ChequeOff Thu 06-Oct-16 13:38:32

go with Folly's text

Milklollies Thu 06-Oct-16 13:41:00

Just tell him: Hi! I think you're a nice guy but I just don't feel a spark. I don't want to lie or lead you on. I hope you have a good day!

Unrequitedlove Thu 06-Oct-16 13:41:20

Ok I've done it.. now I feel like turning my phone off as I can't face the response!

ChequeOff Thu 06-Oct-16 13:44:07

Well done OP! Now just block his number so you don't have to see any texts. You don't owe him anything more after 1 date

Unrequitedlove Thu 06-Oct-16 13:46:56

We have been messaging for around a month, friendly chat so would feel a bit bad to just block him.. although if he pesters me I will.. he might react badly and block me..
thanks for the help.. not sure I'll ever get better at this!

ocelot7 Thu 06-Oct-16 13:50:56

I have come to realise that you don't always feel a spark upon meeting but if there's something nice about them its worth meeting again to investigate further. Just remember how it was years ago when we had bfs - I wonder if hollywood is to blame for this expectation?

With my previous bf I liked him enough to meet again & felt the spark the second time - which is often regarded as the first real date.

With my current bf (probably largely due to horrible ending with previous) I felt nothing for ages but kept meeting up - having made no promises - because we had a nice time & it was something to do blush ...I'm glad I did because some months down the line we are an item & I've realised how little I knew him at first (hence what would a decision for/against have been based on?) & what a kind, lovely man he is...

If you get a spark at first meeting it can be very misleading & nothing to do with relationship potential... sometimes when it takes longer to fancy someone it lasts longer

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now