This might be a trigger for some people...
So ashamed to be writing this (name changed, regular poster) I don't know what to do and really need impartial advice.
Two weeks ago my partner had a night out with work friends, came home drunk fell asleep on the sofa. When I got up with the baby in the morning he was asleep on the sofa with headphones in and phone in hand. He went to bed but he left his phone downstairs. I don't know why but I checked his phone- he had left his browser open and had lots of incest porn on his phone- sick stuff like brother fucks sister, mum fucks son etc. I also found texts to a girl, nothing that dodgy stuff like 'I had a goodnight', 'let me know you got home safe' but with a kiss on the end of each text- this in not usual for him, he normally just puts kisses in texts to me.
I woke him up and questioned him. He admitted to watching porn lots lately as we haven't had much sex since the baby was born (5 months ago), he said that normal porn had got boring so he had started watching incest porn- he said in no way is he interested in incest in real life, it's disgusting but he liked the taboo.
He said that nothing happened with the girl, the rest of his friends had gone home and it was just the two of them left- when he couldn't find her at the end of the night he wanted to tell her he was leaving and to let him know she was ok- this on its own wouldn't bother me but as the kisses on the end of the text are out of character for him it does- I don't believe he cheated but my gut feeling is that he likes her.
This was two weeks ago, I was still really bothered by it but trying to get over it for the sake of our son. Yesterday I was transferring money from his bank to mine (normal thing for me to do) I saw that his phone bill was huge. I let him know and he said he'd ring the phone company- he apparently spoke to the phone company and they said there were premium rate numbers, he said he denied making them and that they'd investigate. Last night he was telling me this so I asked if he'd checked which numbers they were via his online bill, he looked really startled (rabbit caught in headlights) and then tried to log in but apparently he has forgotten his password and then tried to do a password reset but the link hadn't come through. He looked guilty but I left it to see to the baby.
This morning I was suspicious so I checked his online bill (got access straight away using the password he normally uses for everything) and found lots of calls to sex phone lines going back to February- he claimed he only called a sex line once and didn't know what the rest were ( this has now changed from 'only once' to 'not since August') he says he's really ashamed to have called a sex line in the first place but still protests that the majority of the sex line calls weren't him and its some sort of scam..
I really don't know what to do. If it wasn't for my baby I'd LTB but I don't want to destroy my baby's family, he adores his dad. I love him but don't know if I can get past this-there have been other things which damaged my trust years ago but we managed to work past them but I feel like this might be 'the straw the broke the camels back' and my self esteem is already low.
What to I do? Would you leave and break up a family over this? Try and move forward somehow?
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Incest porn/ sex chat lines- might be a trigger
13 replies
MsUpset · 05/10/2016 09:58
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