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Not sure I can cope with my life like this forever, and I'm starting to feel it will never change

(12 Posts)
Yellowmilkshake Tue 04-Oct-16 20:05:49

I turned 31 this year. I've been single for 2 years as of a few weeks ago.

I know this sort of thing has been talked about on here before, but I'm so low that I can barely cope anymore. All my friends, bar two, are married, engaged, have children. The two that are single don't really want relationships.

I feel so lonely. I am struggling to talk to my friends about pregnancies and weddings. I don't even have anyone to altend the weddings with, and it's so lonely.

I've had relationships, a couple have been serious. I'm not too picky I don't think. I really think I've just not met the right one and I've been unlucky.

Just after my last relationship ended, I bought a house. I've enjoyed doing it up, but God, it's been lonely. One time I tried to build a table and couldn't lift it when I had screwed on the legs. It sounds funny now looking back, but I cried so much that night. It's not been easy.

I expect most people feel like this, but I have so much love to give. I love being in a relationship. That doesn't mean I'm not ok on my own - I am. But to me, having a loving relationship and a family is the number one for me.

I don't know why I'm posting. I feel scared I suppose. My life is passing me by, and I fill it with all sorts of things I enjoy, but it's not the same alone. I can make myself happy but I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone with that happiness.

I don't think I'm particularly odd or difficult, I enjoy meeting people. Everyone has families or their 'other half.' I felt so awful last week I called in sick for two days.

Literally in the last month I've just thought I can't do this anymore. And people who say make some single friends... I don't want to. I love my friends for who they are. I don't want to have to go to weird clubs or after work sewing classes to meet someone. Why couldn't it just have happened like it did for all my friends? I also date a lot. Just never feel that connection. Maybe I'm meant to be alone.

My life feels so worthless. I'm done with the single life. It was fun. I made the most of it. All I want now is a family.

RickOShay Tue 04-Oct-16 20:34:13

It will happen. I was a single mum living in a tiny village, no money, nobody to leave dd with, and I got married at 38. I was beyond desperate to find someone, and with that great God hindsight, I was actually doing better than I thought. You hold the key to your happiness, don't give it away lightly sweetheart.

Humblebee1 Tue 04-Oct-16 20:36:48

Oh, come on now, chin up. You're only 31. Have you not read all the heartache on here.
Better to be single and a straightforward life than with kids stuck in a shit relationship.
Remind yourself of all you have going for you instead of what you haven't yet got, but might. Be happy for others. I think its a mistake to expect someone else will make you happy, you need to be at ease with you, and then the right man may/may not come along next week or years away. Good lucksmile

georgethecat Tue 04-Oct-16 20:38:36

You sound a little depressed & defeated- we all get like that at times. Maybe check out with your GP.

Also you are soooo young, you have time, don't let these feelings sink you.

Sometimes it feels as though everyone is loved up, having a better time than you. It's just not true.

Yellowmilkshake Tue 04-Oct-16 20:40:49

I know you're right... I don't expect someone to make me happy, I just want to share my happiness with someone. Someone to go to the weddings with, to cook with, watch a tv series with.

I'm so lonely. 31 feels old when everyone around you is settled with a family.

I feel so low tonight. My best friend cancelled plans for the weekend because her husband has organised a surprise weekend away as she was feeling low about work. I love my best friend and of course I am happy for her - she's amazing and deserves every bit of love. But it also reminds me of the fact I'm alone. I feel horrible for thinking that but it's true.

roverman75 Tue 04-Oct-16 21:16:23

I know how you feel I'm a 47 year old male lone parent of four teenagers ,have never been married, my kids mother ran off with another bloke and has disappeared out of all our lives .that was 4years ago ,not had a hint of being in a relationship since ,seems women my age don't want the hassle of my kids . Have been on numerous dating sites not a message or reply , feel like giving up and the chances of meeting someone is passing me by as I get older. Believe me you have a lot of time to find the one for you.

Yellowmilkshake Tue 04-Oct-16 21:29:29

roverman, hope you're ok. You have four children you can treasure and that must mean a lot. Though I can see why you feel alone. It's hard. People tell me to keep up the online dating, eventually you'll find someone...

I think this week has just been especially hard. Just want a busy house and others to think about not just me

roverman75 Tue 04-Oct-16 21:40:29

I try to keep busy ,my daughter's health issues are the most important thing at the moment , I just find it difficult because I have no one to talk to ( have no live relatives either ) the odd bit of affection or someone asking how my days been would be nice !
I wouldn't worry at your age you have time on your side ,I'm sure you'll find what you are looking for ,sometimes it happens when you least expect it , at least I have that to cling to !

Squeegle Tue 04-Oct-16 21:46:40

It is hard...I know how you feel. But honestly, (and I know this is a cliche), life is a journey and it can be hard at times. I'm 50 now, ex partner who is exceedingly awkard, 2DCs who are unbelievably challenging. It can feel pretty lonely too- and what is worse- I can't escape!!! So escape while you can, go on some nice group holidays with Explore, or do some stuff you enjoy, it really is the time to do it!

PeppermintPasty Tue 04-Oct-16 21:48:29

Liste n to RickOShay, for she is wise. One day you may very well look back on this time and think damn, I wish I could be back there.

Things will change, they always do. Just make sure that in your desire to be with someone, you don't compromise who you are. Don't settle, I suppose I'm saying.

Disclaimer: boy I've been through some shit, and boy, do I like being single!

Violetcharlotte Tue 04-Oct-16 22:05:58

Sorry to hear you're feeling so low, it's horrid to feel lonely isn't it?

It's probably been said over and over, but the only thing you can really do is to immerse yourself in other things. Negative thoughts, when we repeat them over and over, will become how we see reality. The key is to try and change these thought patterns and the way you perceive yourself. You could read up on cognitive behavioural therapy for more on this.
I hope you feel better soon xx

Funnylady123 Fri 07-Oct-16 23:26:01

I became single for the first time just over a year ago and mostly would say I love it, but it is the lack of someone to spend time with that is difficult, with 2 kids, no family and no overnights for kids with ex, I can only manage a night out about once a year. Milkshake, you are still young and have the freedom to do/go wherever you want. Have you thought of volunteering? it's a great way to meet people and satisfy your nurturing qualities.

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