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Boyfriend: "You're too nice to me"

(15 Posts)
oatsandhoney Mon 03-Oct-16 12:55:01

Just wondering what this means really. Together nearly a year, things are going well. This isn't the first time he's said this but I'm wondering what he means. He's been getting a lot of grief off his ex wife this week on various things and last night he said to me while talking (via text) that I'm too nice to him and when I asked if that was a bad thing he said he's just not used to being treated so well.

I'm curious as to what he means by this. I'm just myself, I don't indulge his every whim (too busy with life for that) but despite us both having complicated lives this feels secure and safe. But is there such a thing as too nice? Or am I overthinking? confused

qwom Mon 03-Oct-16 12:56:43

He's very appreciative of you and the support you offer smile

pocketsaviour Mon 03-Oct-16 12:58:33

Maybe just a turn of phrase. When I first met my (step)son I was surprised to hear him say things like "Dad I love you too much!" or "Please can I have another yoghurt, I like it too much!" To him it was just a synonym for "very".

TheNaze73 Mon 03-Oct-16 12:58:51

I think you're probably, so laid back, easy going & low maintenance compared to his ex, that he's overwhelmed by it. It's a positive. Sometimes, people who've been in bad relationships, see what others see as normal behaviour as nice behaviour.
You've been together a year, so I'd take him at face value. It's a compliment

HandyWoman Mon 03-Oct-16 13:00:06

What does your gut say?

oatsandhoney Mon 03-Oct-16 13:02:22

Sometimes, people who've been in bad relationships, see what others see as normal behaviour as nice behaviour.

This is probably true. I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years so I have a tendency to 'hunt' for red flags, hence my confusion over the 'too nice' comment!

I'm also not used to compliments blush

Thistledew Mon 03-Oct-16 13:04:17

How is the rest of your relationship?

Hopefully it just means he appreciates you, but sometimes this sort of comment can be a warning/admission that he does not deserve you being nice to him as he is not very nice to you.

oatsandhoney Mon 03-Oct-16 13:12:42

The rest of the relationship is good Thistle although I agree, I think I'm worrying that he means he's not very nice to me (although I think he is). My gut lurches between that and thinking its a compliment Handy which is why I asked.

SecondMrsAshwell Mon 03-Oct-16 13:23:40

Maybe he's bracing himself for the day when you aren't so nice to him. If he's used to grief, he must be wondering whether you're going to start.

Like when the house goes quiet and you think "lovely, the house is sooo quiet." and then you think "hang on, it's too quiet. What's going on?"

AstrantiaMallow Mon 03-Oct-16 13:28:25

Mmm not sure.
I was in an abusive marriage, I now have a lovely bf. Sometimes I do get totally overwhelmed by how nice he is, and tell him, only for him to look slightly bewildered as he reckons he's just normal. BUT I never say he is too nice. It's also never something I text him, more spur of the moment type reaction to a situation. I don't like the too nice much tbh.

SandyY2K Mon 03-Oct-16 13:29:14

Hopefully it just means he appreciates you, but sometimes this sort of comment can be a warning/admission that he does not deserve you being nice to him as he is not very nice to you.

I agree with this. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Nabootique Mon 03-Oct-16 13:48:20

Hopefully it just means he appreciates you, but sometimes this sort of comment can be a warning/admission that he does not deserve you being nice to him as he is not very nice to you.

Sadly, I agree with this too, or at least as a possibility (trying not to project!). The last two previous boyfriends said this to me, one turned out to have a girlfriend, and the other had generally been a bit of a shit.

MariposaUno Mon 03-Oct-16 13:56:23

I would look at it as he apreciates you and is not used to being treated normally/nice and may fron previous rl not feel he deserves it(hang up)although he is good now there's always potential he could take you for granted as with all relationships.

So if it's all good now then carry on if you want to.

HandyWoman Mon 03-Oct-16 14:03:54

The 'too nice' thing would make me feel uneasy.

Groundhogday2016 Mon 03-Oct-16 14:08:10

I think it's a kind of warning ie I don't deserve you being so nice to me as I am not being nice to you. Is he using you, seeing someone else, treating you badly in some way?

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