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How does a relationship survive snoring

(30 Posts)
user1475332329 Sat 01-Oct-16 15:53:14

Hi All I am new to mumsnet, but I have been reading all the good advice on here for several weeks and I have a question of my own to which I need . Is it possible for a relationship to survive snoring? Anyone got any good advice for stopping snoring?
The snorer is actually me! My DP of nearly two years is a very light sleeper and I am unfortunately a loud snorer, sad
We don't live together but sleep in the same bed either at his or mine 3/4 times a week. My snoring is becoming a real issue. Either he constantly nudges me awake, breaking my sleep/dreams and leaving me feeling miserable/confused or he gets very little sleep. We're were on holiday together last week and two nights he ended up going and sleeping on the sofa, leaving me in tears in the bedroom. I really hate the thought of separate rooms or beds.
I try to keep myself awake until he's asleep, but it's not always possible. It's really starting to affect our relationship, to the point that although I was supposed to be staying at his on Monday night I have said I won't go as he has an early start and a long drive to work the next day.
We really love each other and I feel this is stopping us moving in together in the short term and in the long term I just wonder if he will eventually leave me altogether.
Any advice would be gratefully received!

TooTweeOrNotTooTwee Sat 01-Oct-16 15:56:29

If DH snores and I'm awake I move into the spare room, although I usually try to roll him into his side first (he doesn't mind!).

Haven't found any snoring gadgets to be effective, but it's better now that he has lost a bit of weight.

TooTweeOrNotTooTwee Sat 01-Oct-16 15:57:27

Disclaimer: not saying you need to lose weight obviously, it just worked for DH who was a bit overweight before.

blush

GinAndSonic Sat 01-Oct-16 15:59:39

I'm the snorer here. But he's a duvet hugger so fairs fair.
I'm going to replace the sofa with one of the ikea corner ones that turns into a double bed so one of us can sleep in the sitting room, as we don't have a spare room.

LifeIsGoodish Sat 01-Oct-16 16:02:34

Go to the doctor. If your snoring is so severe, there may be a medical cause.

Non-medical things that may help are for you to use an anti-snoring pillow and sew a very large bead into the back of your PJ/nightie collar to force you to sleep on your side.

Could your dp roll you over without waking by you?

(BTW My dad has always snored massively, but my parents are still together, in the same bed, nearly 60 years!)

LifeIsGoodish Sat 01-Oct-16 16:03:21

Don't know where that random by came from!

thestamp Sat 01-Oct-16 16:04:35

Have you seen a doctor for your snoring? Do you carry weight on your front/around your face or neck? Have you tried snoring gadgets?

Has he tried ear plugs? Those really worked for me.

When I sleep next to a snorer I usually take a low dose OTC sleep aid and that is more than enough to get me to sleep through. That or ear plugs if I remember to bring the ones that work for my ears.

GinAndSonic Sat 01-Oct-16 16:05:41

Anyone able to recommend some good ear plugs for my poor partner?

CrepeDeChineWag Sat 01-Oct-16 16:06:36

Seperate beds in seperate rooms. We still love each other 😘

ProcrastinatingSquid2 Sat 01-Oct-16 16:12:26

My partner snores and I'm a very bad sleeper at the best of times. We do separate rooms. It's not that bad, OP. We go up to bed together and start the process of falling asleep together. Then I half sleepwalk to my room. I generally go into his in the morning too before we have to get up. It's horrible when one of you is causing the other to be shattered. I'd know he wasn't doing it on purpose but would resent him for it anyway.

NeenerNina Sat 01-Oct-16 16:22:02

Yes, Laser Lites. Possibly only reason I'm still married, tbh! Get them on Ebay in bulk.

MotherFuckingChainsaw Sat 01-Oct-16 16:31:34

Laser lites are awesome

Teaandcakeat8 Sat 01-Oct-16 16:34:21

My ex used to snore, I think it's cute.

I think I must have really loved him haha grin

hollyisalovelyname Sat 01-Oct-16 16:37:53

*Teandcake -,*So why is he an ex ? smile
No over the counter rubbish for me. It has to be full on sleeping tablets. Well, a half one.
DH snores like a train. He doesn't know I take a pill to sleep.
Mind you I'm now pretty bad myself.
I shall order those laser lites.

Sandsnake Sat 01-Oct-16 16:43:34

Bioears from Boots do it for me (wife of a snorer). Good luck!

Imissmy0ldusername Sat 01-Oct-16 16:43:50

NeenerNina - those laser lights are ace! We have packs of them here due to snoring, shiftwork, and insanely early waking cats. I'd say, though that they were only good for me if I had a few nights off from them, to let my ear tubey things breathe (not sure what the technical term is, but if I didn't, I invariably ended up with an ear infection).

Teaandcakeat8 Sat 01-Oct-16 16:51:15

Sadly his job posted him abroad and it didn't work out...

Fond cute snoring memories though smile

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 Sat 01-Oct-16 17:07:22

Separate bedrooms here.
Doubt we'd still be together otherwise.
I've recently put on weight so now I'm almost as bad as DH, he's quite trim though, but his snoring has always been horrendous.
He has been to GP and was referred to the sleep lab for monitoring of apnea etc.
Where he couldn't sleep because all the other blokes were snoring so much! grin grin grin

pocketsaviour Sat 01-Oct-16 19:02:16

What gave me the rage about my ex's snoring - which was so loud that it could be heard through the closed bedroom door and all the way downstairs - was that he would just say "oh sorry" and then shrug. Kept promising to go to the doctor, never did. Eventually - after 18 months of misery - I made an appointment myself and forced him to go with me. He was referred to the sleep clinic and given a CPAP mask to wear. His overnight tests revealed he was at high risk of having a heart attack or stroke in his sleep.

A month after we broke up, he had stopped wearing his mask because he "didn't want to look like an invalid" in front of new woman. He had a heart attack and ended up in hospital for a month.

So go to the fucking GP, is what I'm saying.

PandoNoPants Sat 01-Oct-16 20:15:51

I'm a very light sleeper (more so since having the DC's). My OH snores very loudly. I didn't mind it so much pre children but now my sleep is very much needed!

I noticed that it was worse before he lost weight and it's definitely worse if he's been drinking anything alcoholic before bed (it's a million times louder). I keep badgering him to go and see a GP because I'm worried about sleep apnoea.

Anyway, he used to get upset about it until I had perma tonsillitis from June until 2 weeks ago when I had them out. Apparently, my snoring was terrible and he understands how I feel now! blush

Definitely see your GP for help. My Dad had to undergo a sleep study and he now needs a cpap machine for his. Worth ruling out a few things.

alabasterangel Sat 01-Oct-16 20:41:56

I'm a snorers wife. I've posted before. Earplugs here too but i can still feel the vibrations through the bed and I don't get decent sleep. It makes me feel ill I'm so tired. Ditto a sofa bed here, I've just ordered one.

What I don't understand is how a snorer can themselves sleep through that racket and a) not know about it and b) not have serious issues with headaches and so forth - all that bloody vibration and noise round your skull - can't be good.

There is a great app you can use to see yourself what you are doing!!! I think it's called snore lab? It's very enlightening!

abitwrong123 Sat 01-Oct-16 20:47:52

My partner snores really badly. He uses a spray called Stop Snoring which does actually really help. I also use ear plugs on particularly bad nights. We don't have separate rooms, the ear plugs and the spray sort it. smile

EdithWeston Sat 01-Oct-16 20:51:14

You can't help the fact that you snore - it's a physical thing beyond conscious control.

You can - and I think should - seek medical advice on whether anything can be done to ameliorate it (I'd distinctly think worse of a partner who didn't).

If nothing works, then separate rooms might have to be the way ahead (as sleep deprivation is torture). But do think about how you maintain intimacy. I don't just mean sex, also just the general nearness and waking to a hug.

HmrTron Sat 01-Oct-16 20:51:42

Ear plugs, half a bottle of wine and some nytol. Honestly the only way I could get through the snoring before falling pregnant! None of the anti-snoring devices worked on DP. Not suggesting you are overweight, but Dr's told him to lose weight, stop smoking and drinking heavily, after years he is currently training for a marathon and you know what....the Dr is right! Much better these last few weeks, thankfully at a time where I'm unable to knock myself out!

But I knew what I was letting myself in for when we moved in. It wasn't a factor in the decision at all. I'm sure your DP won't either

Bodicea Sat 01-Oct-16 20:54:28

I am a snorer. Dh has thankfully accepted it. Sometimes he goes in the spare room. Sometimes I do. Sometimes he kicks me or moves me on my side. I try to wedge myself onto my side a lot ( I snore when I go on my back). Luckily dh is a relatively heavy sleeper But I do apparently snore like a middle aged man!! If he loves you he will accept it. Just make sure you have a spare bed. We are getting a sofa bed in the study as all the rooms are taken up with kids.

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