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34 weeks pregnant and partner left me

(30 Posts)
needahugbug Fri 30-Sep-16 19:22:39

Well the title says it all really. I'm a total mess and just don't know how I'm going to manage being a single mum.

orangeistheonlyfruit Fri 30-Sep-16 19:34:07

flowers

You'll be super as a single mum. Do you have any family support nearby?

Is your partner wanting to be involved with the baby?

Do you have any other children?

needahugbug Fri 30-Sep-16 19:47:37

I'm a first time mum. My family don't live nearby and my partner has said he doesn't want to be involved in the baby as he doesn't want to be near me.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Fri 30-Sep-16 19:52:24

Maybe he doesn't but he still needs to support it financially. Make sure you contact cms after the birth. I am sure when your baby arrives you will manage just fine. .

Chinnygirl Fri 30-Sep-16 19:55:22

He's a twat. Better to be rid of him, you'll manage better without hiim. If he can't support you now he will be worse later. You'll be fine, half the world is a single parent nowadays, you can do it too!

skyyequake Fri 30-Sep-16 19:55:52

Hey OP I've been a single mum for a grand total of 10 days now. Believe me you will do fine, and you will do 10x better for having this asshole out of your life. And anyone who can just turn their back on their kid is a grade A asshole.

Happybunny19 Fri 30-Sep-16 19:56:02

Did something significant happen to lead to this or is he simply an immature, self centered, cowardly excuse for a human being?

AnotherEmma Fri 30-Sep-16 19:58:15

I'm so sorry, OP, what a bastard.
Did you think this was a possibility or is it completely out of the blue?
Either way it must be a nasty shock. Do take care of yourself - call in support from family and friends, and (at risk of stating the obvious) try and get enough food and sleep.
You don't need to make any decisions or plans right now, but when the dust has settled a bit, maybe you could consider moving closer to family? If you think they'll be supportive, that is.

MatildaTheCat Fri 30-Sep-16 19:58:35

That's really scary and shocking for you OP. Will your family help? Please tell someone in RL and take all the help and support you can get. As others say, you will be ok. You will be better than ok.

Was there a lead up to this?

Scarydinosaurs Fri 30-Sep-16 19:58:46

Leaving during pregnancy is horribly common. Many men return- but the question will be: would you want him?

Are you able to move back to your family?

Conflictedoncemore Fri 30-Sep-16 20:02:28

OP - Here's a hug for you! I'm in a similar situation myself, it's and uncertain but today I'm feeling a little more positive! We're here for you if you need support/someone to vent to xxx

needahugbug Fri 30-Sep-16 20:08:53

Thanks everyone for your support. I didn't expect it although don't get me wrong we didn't have a perfect relationship. He already has 2 children from a previous relationship. I now need to sort out who I will have as a birthing partner and how I'm going to cope living on my own with a newborn. Thanks for your replies and support x

AnotherEmma Fri 30-Sep-16 20:18:14

In this situation, I would want my sister or a close friend to be my birthing partner, but if you don't have anyone suitable nearby, you could look into getting a doula.

You could also contact Home Start, as they might be able to send a volunteer to help out after the baby is born.

You can do this 💪 flowers

user1474193901 Fri 30-Sep-16 20:27:05

So sorry you've been put in such an upsetting awful predicament.
A man like that doesn't deserve you. Better you find out now sweetie.
As suggested previously, I think a Doula is a really good idea.

summerainbow Sat 01-Oct-16 11:31:48

Go home let your famliy help if they are willing

TheNaze73 Sat 01-Oct-16 14:28:24

What caused him to leave OP?

needahugbug Sat 01-Oct-16 17:01:42

I've been pretty moody the last few weeks I don't know whether it's pregnancy hormones or what he said it's bringing him down sad

ChocolateWombat Sat 01-Oct-16 17:09:17

Sorry to hear this has happened to you. How horrible and unsettling.

You will cope, because you will have to and also because you will find your love for your baby will get you through.

Definitely start thinking about who else you have around you for practical and emotional support.

And think carefully about this boyfriend. It is fairly likely he will reappear at some point, even if it's after the baby is born. It might be difficult right now while you are in shock, but do try to get a clear sense of whether you are willing to take him back, whether you want to close the door on him, and how you would feel about him having contact with the baby.

If he is someone who is going to be coming and going and not genuinely and fully committed to you and the baby, however hard it is, it might be best to resolve now that this is over and you are closing the door and are not going to let him come in and out of you and your baby's lives, creating disruption.

Make sure that whatever you decide and do, that it is your choice and you are determining what happens now.

So sorry this has happened to you. I hope you get over it quickly and enjoy your baby.

FrancesNiadova Sat 01-Oct-16 17:51:03

Aww bless him. You are 34 weeks pregnant with his child, your pelvis is stretching, your heart is pumping for 2, your stomach is compressed, you're not sleeping because every time you lie down baby decides to play bouncy castles on your bladder, oh and your breasts are swollen and tender. So you can understand why, if you've snapped, his delicate feelings must have priority.
No?
Of course, he could man the fk up and put his partner and child before his own bottom lip and rattle.
If he's done this, now, what's he going to be like when baby's 3 months old, and taking all your attention, (as baby should). In around 6 weeks you'll have 6lb of beautiful baby to love and bond with. Ditch the 13st of useless shyte now.
You and your baby are better off without him.
flowers

AnotherEmma Sat 01-Oct-16 17:53:34

The only reason he left is that he's an arsehole. It's nothing you did, OP. You're allowed to be moody when you're pregnant!

flowers

ChocolateWombat Sat 01-Oct-16 18:47:17

Absolutely don't let yourself feel like this is your fault. And absolutely don't let him suggest to you it was your fault, when he comes worming back to you....which he will at some point.

Please, please for the sake of your child, don't let yourself be one of those women who only feel worth something when there's a man around, and who let a crap man tell them that everything and anything that goes wrong is their own fault and always manage to work their way back into the woman's life. Please don't be one of those women, because you will suffer.....but your child will too. You are sounding like you are blaming yourself for what has happened. You are sounding as if he has tried to put all this on you and you believed him. Know the truth....that good men and good fathers don't walk out when their partners are 34 weeks pregnant. They don't wimp out regardless of something little like someone being moody. If you were or weren't moody, it doesn't matter - this was his choice, not yours.

And if he leaves now, he will do it again and again. It will damage you and it will damage your baby.

I know it is terribly hard, but at this point you must put your baby first and be really careful about how you react to the father. Get people around you who will support and help you, believe that you can be a good mother and cope alone and don't listen to any of his crap.

There are so many families who have messed up children, because the mothers weren't able to keep crap men out of their lives. They could have managed alone and their kids would have been fine.....but sadly, they had low self esteem which told them they couldn't cope alone and needed those worthless men. You don't.

Sorry if this all sounds harsh in your horrible circumstances. It's just that this happens over and over again. You have a chance now to make choices before your baby is born - see it as a benefit in disguise that you are getting that opportunity now.

ShebaShimmyShake Sat 01-Oct-16 19:11:48

Talk to your midwife and health visitor to be sure you get the support you need. Your poor diddums ex, pregnancy must be so hard for him to deal with.

There's a chance he'll demand to be present at the birth after all and chat some shit about his rights. Remember nobody has any inherent right to witness a birth, it is only what you decide and want. So if he tries that, please tell him to fuck right off.

needahugbug Sat 01-Oct-16 19:39:35

Thank you everyone for your replies. Yes I do blame myself cos I know I have been moody and sulky. It's strange because the rest of the pregnancy I felt happy. I'm gutted he has said he don't want to be there for the birth as he said all I'll do is give him shit sad I never 8 months ago expected to be a single mum sad

ShebaShimmyShake Sat 01-Oct-16 19:50:34

Oh the poor sweetiekins! He can't attend the birth because you, the labouring woman, might hurt his little feefees with your horrid nasty birthing lady words!

There aren't many things that women universally hate but I really have never met anyone who liked weak men. I don't mean gentle or sensitive or vulnerable men, I mean snivelling craven cowards who won't support the mothers of their children because they're frightened of "getting shit". Who refuse even to be an involved co-parent because the pregnant lady didn't massage their little feefees. He could still be a supportive and decent father even if he's not in a relationship with you, but he's a worthless scummy little wimp.

Even if you have driven him away from the relationship, it's not your fault that he puts his convenience above his child. What a gutless shrimp.

Bungleboggs Sat 01-Oct-16 19:52:59

My ex left during pregnancy with twins!! Over 6 years later we are doing fine. It's hard but you can and WILL be a great mum flowers

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