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Husband takes no responsibility

(2 Posts)
Chamonix1 Fri 30-Sep-16 18:27:33

For his own relationship with his parents!
They've caused SOOO many issues, I try and keep them at arms length, the more we give the more they feel entitled to, when told politely "no" we get fil leaving lengthy answerphone messages late at night telling us they have rights to dd, that they know "she isn't theirs she's ours" (last time I checked nobody owns her but okay) and when no response is given he'll come round to "sort things out".
Mil pretends she's delicate but she has no issues being pretty bloody blunt herself and fil does as he's told.
DH commutes every single day for 2 hour son the train, we don't see him 5 days a week, weekends only yet our time and dd's time is still demanded.
I work full time and only see dad 1-2 hours a DAY yet mil still feels she should "have her" after playschool (when I'm meant to pick her up) and they wonder why we say no!
Anywho DH avoids them like the plague so they ask and harass me. Simple "sorry- we have plans" don't work, I get "what about x,y,z" to the point when I feel uncomfortable saying no again.
DH has discussed many issues with his parents inc once when he really opened up and told them he doesn't feel they see him as an adult and that he feels under constant pressure from them. Fil recognised all this, apologised and said he would change (which to be fair he has) whilst mil sat there blank faced then said "well then you need to sort your issues out"
I'm so fed up of the constant demands and issues and just wish they'd go away for a bit...
How do you deal with this situation
(Should be DH I know!)

MoominKitten Sat 01-Oct-16 03:25:21

Simple avoidance towards them in the main part.

Some gentle moral support for your DH to show him you're on his side and that you think he's an adult. If they deliberately target you on something, stand firm seek his help as an ally, making it clear that you still see him as an adult- you're looking for a united front, not someone to fight every battle.

Sounds like FIL is by far the most reasonable of the two, appeal to his sense of reason and fair play.

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