Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Cheating: porn/dating sites/Snapchat

(17 Posts)
Humblebee1 Fri 30-Sep-16 11:50:45

My anger is terrible, inflamed by his constant lies and the fact he has destroyed all the evidence. He tried to pretend he was chatted up at first, wiped his computer. I knew things didn't make sense so I used the Snapchat id he willingly gave me. Ofcourse he thought snapchat wipes everything and since he had already wiped the PC it would make him seem he was genuinely sorry. He swore already I knew everything.
However I went onto discoverthe porn/dating sites as well, week s after discovering I was already pregnant.
Now I'm thinking I only know tip of iceberg and angrily said I didn't really know extent of his sleazy behaviour and don't want him near me and my kids ever again and he would have to fight me. He said he was going to take the off me because I very angry. I have become angry over the years with himore than I like but he always stonewalls me and is passive aggressive which has driven me crazy. Everyone thinks he's wonderful, I am a what you see is what you get type. Despairing, I can't believe we have ended up in this huge mess.

Humblebee1 Fri 30-Sep-16 12:01:36

I am not generally an angry person however unless really pushed.

Humblebee1 Fri 30-Sep-16 12:06:13

I discovered texts on his phone first, he admitted meeting one ow once.

adora1 Fri 30-Sep-16 12:07:14

Dump him, that simple, he's a waste of your mental and physical well being, he won't change, they rarely do.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 30-Sep-16 12:28:02

He's a cheating sleaze-ball.
Why are you staying and putting up with this shite?
You know you deserve better.
And your DC will not need that as a role model for a male!

Humblebee1 Fri 30-Sep-16 12:54:06

Of course I know I deserve better but I will be left high and dry. We are not married. I am sahm.

Humblebee1 Fri 30-Sep-16 12:59:40

I know I have been a complete doormat. It hurts, I trusted this 'Mr nice guy' more than anyone, as did everyone.

Humblebee1 Fri 30-Sep-16 13:08:05

Do you know it has made me realise that is what I hate about 'nice' people. You know the irritating ones. They never get annoyed because they don't give a shit enough to get annoyed. They paint this calm, patient picture whilst driving you crazy with frustration at their lack of communication on tricky issues.

RealityCheque Fri 30-Sep-16 13:27:07

That OP makes my head hurt. Is there another thread related to this to set the background? This one is pretty much an incoherent rant tbh.

Humblebee1 Fri 30-Sep-16 13:33:23

Sorry, it was a bit of a rant. I am really upset because my partner is this lovely nice guy to everyone, pretends to be patient and calm but does nothing/says nothing and trys to act like nothings happened around me. Despite discovering the above.

adora1 Fri 30-Sep-16 13:34:51

So you know what to do then OP.

TheNaze73 Fri 30-Sep-16 13:55:49

Ditch him.

And btw, you're way wide of the mark about "nice people" Sweeping generalisation & I admire them.

BillericayDuckie Fri 30-Sep-16 14:07:23

This sounds like my XH.

I discovered he was doing this when I had our DD2. Tried to make it work, but could not get past it. I was also angry all the time. I left him two and a half years ago when DD2 was 3. I figured it would be better to separate than bring children up in that kind of environment.

To this day, everyone else thinks he is the nice guy that has done nothing wrong and I am the bad person for ending a seemingly good marriage.

I have no regrets in leaving, no matter how tough it has been and continues to be emotionally and financially.

You deserve better too.

Humblebee1 Fri 30-Sep-16 14:36:39

TheNaze73, I don't mean it as a generalisation, I'm referring to people who seem to put over this gentle, calm exterior, making them easy to get along with on the face of everything, when in actual fact they are indifferent. My partners actions were so cold hearted and schemeing behind my back. So before I knew what he was capable off I thought he had a 'nice' nature, and it must be me who is always annoyed/hurt by things so easily that must be at fault. Its easy to be nice when you want to be but it seems he is not decent. I think that'sy point. Sorry for any offence.

AnyFucker Fri 30-Sep-16 14:39:57

Could we get off op's back about her perfectly valid terminology in the context of how her "partner" has been treating her ?

Humble you have every right to be steaming angry and if it comes out as a bit of a rant so be it. My only hope is that you use your strong emotions to effect some actual change.

Humblebee1 Fri 30-Sep-16 14:43:59

Billericay, did you let people know what was actually going on?

BillericayDuckie Fri 30-Sep-16 14:54:58

I didn't tell anyone what was going on - maybe because I was too ashamed, embarrassed, head in the sand... I'm not sure why.

The only person who had any idea was my SIL (his sister) who came round one day to find me in bits because he decided to ignore my birthday. He hadn't forgotten, he just did absolutely nothing - no present, no card. Not even a cup of tea in bed! He spent the whole day in his office ignoring me. This was when he was messaging one of the females he had met online.

Funnily enough his sister has been one of the most supportive people since I left. More so than my own family, one of whom commented recently that "people have stayed in a marriage with far worse going on."

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now