Where to start? On paper, I have it all: job, partner, kids, house, friends etc. But growing up i was a mess with depression in my teens, bullying at school and slightly dysfunctional family. I've moved quite far away from where I grew up and my family are arguably now even more dysfunctional with divorced and remarriage on both sides.
I've always struggled with how my family view me: over sensitive and needy, and they only really want/can cope with contact with me when I'm happy. Currently, for various reasons, I'm far from happy and having contact with my family is incredibly painful. I contemplated ending it all after the most recent one.
But these big family occasions keep being presented and I feel unable to refuse to participate. But right now, I need to put myself first and feel completely hopeless about what to do. There's a big Christmas planned and I'm dreading it :( but my family really wouldn't understand and would turn it back on me. so I'm stuck. And it scares me. I don't want to cut contact as my DC have a right to their relationship with their gp, but I need to have some time to heal and don't know how to get that. I have just started counselling.
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Feels like I'm stuck between 2 lives, and feeling hopeless
8 replies
Misty9 · 29/09/2016 19:34
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