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Attachment styles if you are accident do the anxiously attached creep you out?

(4 Posts)
Sashamasha Thu 29-Sep-16 10:53:31

I have been reading about attachment styles and it has been very helpful. I feel like I am a mixed type so that I can be mainly securely attached with if my partner has a secure attachment style but that my anxious preoccupied self is strongly triggered if I am with an accident/dismissive/fearful type. This type plunges me into full on obsesssion. I've had two relationships with very avoident men in the past which ended badly and left me reeling for years in the aftermath. I do feel I have largely moved on and I have a securely attached relationship now but I am still trying to work through my past.

I accept now what was going on between me and these men, why they chose me and why they had such an effect on me. What I do worry about though is that in the end I may have just creeped them out with my desire to get close to them? It bothers me that they could look back and think of me as that creepy girl.

It annoys me because I am not clingy at all in my current healthy relationship.

So if you are an avoident type who ended up at some point with an anxious type did you find them creepy, what was your feeling about them?

Sashamasha Thu 29-Sep-16 10:56:53

Oops accident should say avoident!

MsStricty Thu 29-Sep-16 11:56:16

Suffocating. That's what I felt. Too much, and incredibly draining.

Sashamasha Thu 29-Sep-16 12:18:18

Thanks for responding Miss Strictly. It's interesting to know. Actually thinking about it. I had a relationship in my early 20s with a guy who was anxiously attached and perhaps acted towards me how I might have acted towards these other guys. I like the guy, found him attractive but he was just too full on too soon. Always turning up at my flat unannounced cloying behaviour. It drove me away really, and I became the avoident one which in turn drove him crazy. Years after it all I still see this guy as a friend occasionally e.g. college reunion etc and I like him and find him attractive, but I just couldn't be in a relationship with him.

Perhaps we all just have different limits with various types of behaviour which can trigger us one way or another. On the other hand maybe it's all just down to how much we fancy a person?

I think it's always most awful to be the anxious one, you feel so unloved and sort of defective. In my case I can see that one of my difficult relationships was with a guy who probably just didn't care that much for me. But with the other there was something, he did want me but couldn't handle when I got close. Both these men are still single in their 40s.

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