Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is it time to call it a day

(6 Posts)
Bayleybee123 Wed 28-Sep-16 12:31:01

Long time browser, first time poster. I recently returned to education which was hard with 4 children but I completed my course and gained myself a place at university. I have also recently lost a very close family member which was unexpected as she was so young and it hit me hard. My husband was a great support, at first. I have continued with my studies, work a part time job and look after my 4 children. Me and my husband over the last year seem to have grown apart, want different things from life and just seem to snap at each other. He frustrates the he'll out of me he has no get up n go, no conversation and generally bores me. I feel awful for feeling this way he is a good father to my 3 children and the one we have together, but as a husband I'm just not feeling it. I've been married before and vowed never to stay in a crap relationship again. But here I am years later feeling trapped in this relationship, my see drive has also disappeared and I feel no attraction towards my husband, he is scruffy, unshaven, makes no effort in his appearance and constantly pesters me for sex. It's a big issue for him that we have lost this intimacy and has told me he is considering leaving. Personally though I feel great, aside from the loss of a family member, I'm doing really well in my studies, love my part time job, first time in a few years that I've earn my own money, and my children are all doing brilliantly. Sorry for the jumbled mess just don't know what to do

e1y1 Wed 28-Sep-16 12:46:41

From your OP; yes it would seem time to call it a day.

There isn't just one issue here, there is several.

I'm not sure how much I agree with it (but it makes sense at the same time), is the saying;

If you think you'll be even just 1% happier out of the relationship than in it, then yes, time to part ways.

Would assume this is weighing up everything; i.e. bringing up 4 kids as a single parent, studying, working etc.

Sorry for your loss flowers

Bayleybee123 Wed 28-Sep-16 13:14:44

Thank you e1y1. That's the thing I don't know whether I would be any happier out of the relationship, I think I will be though. All I want to focus on is my kids and studies, I can't be bothered with his constant moods regarding lack of sex life and his general miserablness . We have spoke about our relationship issues over and over again and nothing seems to change really don't know how much longer I can carry on. My life seems to heading in the right direction finally! and he just seems to be stuck, he has no ambition, interests, no desire really to do anything and seems to resent the fact that I do.However the kids have been through a enough upset recently and don't think I could put them through anymore.

hermione2016 Wed 28-Sep-16 13:40:32

When was the bereavement? If recent could this be a factor, a sense of having to live life?

I guess your husband knows you are detaching from him so seeks intimacy with sex.Are you able to talk to each other?

Often a change such as you have, will unsettle a relationship but it could be worked out by renegotiating your roles and expectations.If your husband is fundamentally not a bad man then I would give it time.

Bayleybee123 Wed 28-Sep-16 13:55:28

The bereavement was fairly recently, a few months ago. I think it is wanting to live life, it was a massive wake up call to how short life is and you never know what's going to happen. We talk about the situation on a regular basis but seem to be going round in circles. He believes that I need to pull myself together, however I feel proud of how I have handled the situation and also of my achievements this last year. My husband although he says he is proud of me doesn't seem to show it, he admitted he would rather me stay at home full time and thinks I'm slightly selfish for wanting to work and study. He isn't a bad man I just feel at times he is like having teenager and I am really starting to resent him.

Bayleybee123 Wed 28-Sep-16 14:38:37

I'm not sure whether it would be best to end it before it gets worse and we end up really disliking each other

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now