Is this normal for a relationship of 4 years?

[Flippinlife72]

Like most relationships when I met my now fiancé it felt great, we could talk forever, have fun together, never argue or have any issues, great sex I truly felt I met my sole mate , it was immiediate attraction we just both knew there was something there. 4 years later and living together for 1 year, things don't feel the same, but u know we've had a lot of things thrown at us more than most couples and seems things are finally taking it's toll.

We lived in seperated towns 30mins apart so in order for us to be together one of us had to move and change the children's schools etc. that was me but for good reasons , the schools are much better here, it's a better area etc etc. I had a lot of problems settling my dd in secondary school she was bullied and had no friends but with my help and working with the school that's thankfully turned around now. His dd who is 12 and my dd 13 had issues prob due to their age and having to live together, me and dp were put under a lot of strain because we would both side with our own dds. We seemed to get through it but it was hard. Then his ex caused a lot of trouble so much so she nearly split us up and it ended up in court which we won but things haven't really been the same since even though everything has settled down. We constantly bicker, I don't feel he finds me attractive anymore, he criticises me, he's quite often snappy with my dcs I have 2 and he has 2 , yet I feel he's not as hard on his own dcs because he doesn't want to upset them before they go to their mums, they have a 50/50 agreement were as I have mine full time apart from every other weekend! I do still love him, and I'm think he does me but it just doesn't feel the same after everything. But is this just a normal blip in a relationship? I don't know how to get it back ?

[TheNaze73]

You need some time alone as a starting point to have a cards on the table talk. It doesn't sound like a lost cause but, it's only going to get worse if you don't both face into the obvious issues you both have

[Northernparent68]

I do nt want to be negative but it sounds like no one is happy. You talk about the relationship going back to what it was, but that wAs when you both lived separately, maybe you should live apart ?

[Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016]

All of the kids should be living by the same rules and behaviour standards regards of time in the house /other parent /direction of the wind etc! After a year the house should be running more smoothly for everyone. Maybe a family planning meeting with all the kids about house rules and respecting the 'step parent' as its their house too so should be equal all round.

[Flippinlife72]

Well things have settled with the kids they all seem happier now, that's why I find it difficult to understand now everyone is happier how we've got the way we are.

We couldn't of carried on living apart, it was hard to see each other etc etc plus we wanted to be a family we even knew it would be hard with all the kids but we seemed to get through it all. His ex caused a lot of grief but we dealt with it together, now she is less trouble you'd think we would be better ourselves. He just seems grumpier , he wants to marry me but I don't know why, maybe I'm being over sensitive he says I am but I can't help the way I feel!

[springydaffs]

It's no wonder you're both frazzled after all the difficulties. It's often after the event that the impact hits, often not while you're going through it.

Couples counselling? Marriage courses? You've had to battle through a lot, perhaps now you need to put some serious focus on addressing the toll of all that on your relationship.

[Flippinlife72]

Yeh that's true, his ex wife very nearly broke us up and the court case was stressful and emotional for everyone, then he proposed I was completely shocked! He's not perfect but he is a good guy I just hope we can stop this !!

[SandyY2K]

I think you need to have an honest conversation with him about how you feel. I hate when a partner is harder on your kids than their own as well. Totally unfair. Or maybe he should take a step back from disciplining your children.

Try and resolve things before getting married.

[Flippinlife72]

I do think one of my problems is I get a bit defensive, when I lived on my own I did receive working tax credits and child benefit, since moving in with my dp I've lost all that and rightly so I guess, but now he pretty much pays for everything, I do contribute a little with what I earn but mainly it pays for my own clothes etc, kids bits and pieces, but I feel somewhat less of a person for not being able to pay for more as I used to . He doesn't complain but I feel a bit sensitive about it I guess it some how doesn't seem right he pays for things for my dcs sometimes , holidays etc I mean but I will have to accept it I guess

[Flippinlife72]

Sandy that is an issue, I don't really discipline his kids, I leave it to him unless one of them is rude to me which is rare I say very little, he does seem on my kids backs quite a lot which annoys me sometimes especially when I see or hear his doing the same. That's another thing I get defensive over

[springydaffs]

Imo you really do need someone to help you pick through all these issues. Ie a professional.