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Relationships being affected by my stress!

6 replies

Rinkydinkypink · 26/09/2016 22:51

So much to tell. DH has just told me that ds asked him a few days ago why mummy doesn't like him. He's 9. Dh and I are under a lot of pressure and have been for years now. Family illness, redundancies, money issues, sick dd, sick older relatives and deaths. I'm now unemployed and trying so extremely hard to find work. DH is stuck in a job he doesn't really like, 12 hour days but cant find another job either. DS is a standard 9 year old with hormones surging a phobia to homework and is loosing his ability to talk fast. dd is a manic attention demanding 3 year old.

I'm wiped out. I've had so many job rejections I've lost count. My Dr says i'm at risk of being ill and I need to loose weight fast. Our savings are at rock bottom. Father in law has terminal cancer and is needing a lot of support. My dm is suffocating me. She turns up at my house unannounced 4-5 times a week an my god can she talk!. My dh goes to work at 7am, gets in at 7pm and then goes to the gym. My head is spinning with it all!

I feel like I can't do anything right. I can't get a job, I can't provide for my family. I cant manage all the garden, housework, 2 kids (every drop off, pick-up, after school club, homework, parties etc), job hunting, all the food prep, shopping etc . DH helps with some of the ironing if its piling up (ffs). I'm not sleeping. I'm frustrated. Apparently i'm shouty. Honestly i'm not surprised and my patience has gone.

Tonight dh has made me feel i can't do anything right. My confidence is at rock bottom and then he tells me that I'm very snappy and tell the kids off alot. Thats because he doesn't!

I'm so fed-up. Ive got no-one I feel understands me. I dont want to take AD's as I dont feel i'm irrationally depressed. I have a very good reason to be stressed and fed up.

Dont know what I want from this.

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Bluepowder · 26/09/2016 23:08

I think it is OK to take ADs if you are rationally depressed. I wish I could wave a magic wand for you. Are there one or two easy things you could do to make yourself feel a bit better? I mean practical stuff like writing out a weekly menu plan or planning out your day so it is evenly paced. Or getting your dm to help a bit. Something to make you feel a bit more in control. It does sound very tough.

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Atenco · 26/09/2016 23:58

Take Vitamin B complex in as high a dosage as can healthily be taken. It would take about three weeks to click in, but it will really help you.

It also sounds like you should be the one going to the gym to help you with the stress and weight problem too, while your DH could participate a lot more seeing as how they are his parents and his children.

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Rinkydinkypink · 27/09/2016 05:52

Ive started doing exercise at home. DH gym membership is through his job and I cant afford the gym. I feel awful. Been crying most of the night because im so tired, overwhelmed and feeling like things are out of control. Ive been on ADs a few times and they make me put weight on. This cant happen for health reasons.

Had the worst dream about dh leaving me for someone else and I was left with everything on my own. He disappeared.

Im feeling very emotionally battered.

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JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 27/09/2016 06:31

Op so sorry to hear this. I feel much like you today, stress of work, bereavement and family illnesses getting me down and triggering my anxiety. The difference for me is that I have a really supportive husband. Yours needs to have a word with himself if he thinks having a go at you will help things. Go out fast walking or gentle jogging to get them endorphins up. He can stay home instead of going to the gym while you do that. Have you considered st John's Wort? It helps me alot with depression and anxiety but I know not everyone can take it for various reasons including the pill.

Good luck with your job hunt. Xmas jobs will be available soon. Remember you're a good person and a good mum. You're a caring daughter in law and wife. You're doing great. Just explain things to your son that he isn't the problem

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Bagina · 27/09/2016 06:31

It sounds like you need to break this down and identify each area that is a problem, or what's the biggest problem and then try and tackle it. Does your 3 year old have childcare? If your mum is around so much, can she take her? You need to slow down and lower your standards. Stop ironing too!! You need to ask for help. Can your mum do some pick ups?