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Paranoid or not?

(19 Posts)
Newuser101 Mon 26-Sep-16 22:48:50

DH has become really good friends with a woman at work that works for him. He started this job earlier this year and since then they've had to work pretty closely on a project. I don't have a problem with that but they go to the gym and / or coffee and / or lunch most days.

On top of that they're on WhatsApp mostly talking crap but quite often. I don't look at the messages but he doesn't hide them so there's nothing in there that he wouldn't necessarily want me to see it's just the frequency that makes me worried?

I do a hobby some weekends and over the past couple of months when I've done my hobby and he hasn't plans he's gone to her house which is about an hour away. She's married and her husband is there though so I can't exactly say I'm not happy about it, he says they all get on so I don't want to look paranoid.

Should I be worried or am I being paranoid? I don't think anything has happened but do you think it's normal to be in touch with a female friend / colleague this much?

Happybunny19 Mon 26-Sep-16 22:57:01

It is an excessive amount of time to spend with a colleague IMO. They could just be friends, my oh is friends with his female boss and they often go to lunch or gym classes together. I would be suspicious of this ordinarily but I've spent plenty of time in her company now and we sometimes do stuff with her as we have kids the same age that get on well. You say about your husband spending time with her and her husband, do you ever get invited to spend time with them too? Have you actually met her?

Newuser101 Mon 26-Sep-16 23:14:00

Yes I met her a couple of months ago she invited a few colleagues and their partners to her house. She seemed nice, not someone I would be best friends with but her and DH share a different hobby to me and they get on really well talking about it (not the gym).

Happybunny19 Tue 27-Sep-16 08:19:01

Sounds plausible, but what is your gut feeling telling you? Whilst I am reasonable about my oh I am aware that his friend has recently split with her partner, so keep an eye on things just in case it seems like they're getting too close. I trust him up to a point, I'm not stupid. However we've been together for 22 years and he hasn't given me any reason to doubt him in all that time.

0dfod Tue 27-Sep-16 08:23:05

How is your relationship with your dh?

Is he putting the same amount of energy, time and focus into your relationship as normal?

SauvignonPlonker Tue 27-Sep-16 18:27:43

I don't

SauvignonPlonker Tue 27-Sep-16 18:28:58

I rung

MegFlyAway Tue 27-Sep-16 18:31:46

I'd be wary given how this is how my ex's affair began.

imnotreally Tue 27-Sep-16 18:38:06

It may be innocent now but it will probably end up not being innocent.

sconebonjovi Tue 27-Sep-16 18:38:18

I wouldn't be a massive fan of this kind of behaviour, as they could be hiding in plain sight as such?

LucySnow12 Tue 27-Sep-16 18:45:19

What I think is wrong is that he's focused on her when he's with you. That's disrespectful whether the friend is male or female. His attention is on her not you or your family.

GinBunny Tue 27-Sep-16 18:47:01

This is how my STBXH affair started too.

WingsofNylon Tue 27-Sep-16 18:54:32

Difficult. I wouldn't feel great about it. Have you talked to him about it at all. I would probably mention to my dp that it made me feel a bit odd.

WingsofNylon Tue 27-Sep-16 18:57:09

I've met men who I get on well with and have potential to be close to but I've made the decision not to be because I'd rather focus on my relationship. I have friends already so why jeopardise things?

Seeyouontheotherside Tue 27-Sep-16 19:02:04

Way too much. You're not paranoid. Even if they never do anything sexually (and he's putting himself in a position where it's very likely), everybody's going to think they are and that makes you look like a mug.

If you don't have any kids it's probably best to get out now and move on. Tbh, I'd find discreet shagging more acceptable and respectful than this.

ProseccoBitch Tue 27-Sep-16 19:13:54

I couldn't cope with this at all, but I'm paranoid having grown up in a house with a cheating parent and had a couple of cheating boyfriends both of whom left me for the OW.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Tue 27-Sep-16 19:16:56

Sounds like he spends more time with her or messaging than he does with you. . That makes it a problem. . Imo. .

iloveberries Tue 27-Sep-16 20:20:55

Sounds like he enjoys her company more than yours. I would be sad about that.
Do you ever say anything about his constant messaging?

Myusernameismyusername Tue 27-Sep-16 20:21:50

I'm good friends with my previous boss but he is married and I am not. I'm really cautious about how I come across when we chat for her sake so I always make a big effort mostly to chat during work hours and not in the evenings as even if I was married, it might be a little weird.

Although it does sound like they are good friends and her husband is involved but why can't all 4 of you socialise? That would be more ideal really. I suppose it feels like a secular friendship you aren't included in.
I don't think it sounds like anything untoward is going on and I'm really pro opposite sex friendships. But I think it's ok to tell your DH that you feel excluded, if you do?

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