This past saturday I lost the most special person I ever met. We met back in March and he never wanted anything serious and I thought that I could do this too. We were both out of long-ish relationships and I really wanted to try and get a life for myself. And I tried so hard and I was doing so much better.
We fell for each other and he made me so happy. I think he was happy too. We saw each other quite often maybe once or twice a week but I suppose this was too much and he thought I was getting too reliant on him and getting frustrated when he wouldnt see me. I think this is because I dont really have any friends and we were so close, I valued his company as a friend more than as a partner.
I got quite upset that things were ending and we managed to talk and sort things out on the wednesday, then i saw him again on the saturday when i was drunk and I guess i got quite upset again. He now doesnt want to know me anymore, wont be my freind and wont talk to me.
I cant cope with the fact that I have been left again for wanting too much from one person, I cannot get up in the morning because I am consumed with so much hate for myself for making him go away. I cant look in the mirror or concentrate on anything. I miss him so much and i want my friend back. I miss everything and nothing is making my life feel like it is worth existing this way. I've spoken to friends and even tried moving on to someone new but im filled with so much sadness and pain.
He was so special to me. I suppose it hurts most that he doesnt seem to miss me. I guess i was just another girl to him.
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Feel consumed by hate for myself
6 replies
lolarosea · 25/09/2016 21:34
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