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Relationships

husband cheated with hooker what to do

172 replies

Babz33 · 25/09/2016 12:27

I'm new here, I just found out 2 days ago my husband got himself a bday gift and wen to a hooker. We've been married for 6 years, we have a baby boy. he was.seemed to be a good husband, supportive, good dad etc, we had good life together. I told him knew, I told him he destroyed everything for us and for our little boy to have a normal family. he said he only went once, he watches a lot of porn and this idea/fantasy hes been having for a while he finally did it but regrets it every day and feels awful. I don't know what to do now should I leave him?

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PotteringAlong · 25/09/2016 12:29

Yes, I would leave him. And get an std check.

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GrimmauldPlace · 25/09/2016 12:33

Do you think you'd ever be able to get past the fact that he's slept with someone else? And paid them for the privilege?

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FruitCider · 25/09/2016 12:33

Doesn't matter if it's a hooker or anyone else. He cheated. STI check and LTB is my response!

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BombadierFritz · 25/09/2016 12:33

how did you find out? definitely std check. I would also just leave/make him leave over this. the porn and hookers thing is going to be almost impossible to forgive I would think. very sorry :(

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Aoibhe · 25/09/2016 12:33

How did you find out and how can you be sure that it was his first time?

So sorry for you Flowers

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Absy · 25/09/2016 12:35

I agree. Get an std check and leave him. It sounds like something he deliberately planned and now he regrets it? Anyone with sense would go "I have a living wife and child and a happy life. Should I potentially destroy it by getting a hooker? No. That's a stupid idea" rather than go through with it and regret it after

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Absy · 25/09/2016 12:35

I mean loving wife. Not living

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Babz33 · 25/09/2016 12:43

well I looked at his phone for something and found a text confirming 'appointment', I googled the number and there it was... he did admit it, didn't really have a choice as the facts were there, he is adamant it was 1 time, he had that idea in his mind for a while and he did try 2 times before but he made 'appointments' but never went. do I believe that? don't know, its hard to believe I'm actually in that situation. have anyone ever experienced anything like that?

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brasty · 25/09/2016 12:45

Every woman I have ever read who this has happened to, her husband always swears it was the first time. It defies belief that every husband caught doing this has only done it once.

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Littleballerina · 25/09/2016 12:46

I wouldn't be able to stay.

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bluebeck · 25/09/2016 12:47

Agree with PP - LTB and STD check.

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Babz33 · 25/09/2016 12:48

im so ashamed of that, how could that happen to me or anyone, nothing looks the same now, im kind of pushing all these thoughts away to act 'normal' in front or our little boy but my god I went through so many emotions I now just feel hopeless and motionless

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Froginapan · 25/09/2016 12:48

Oh out comes The Script

OP - I'm so sorry. Brace yourself for more revelations.

Do you want to leave? Can you go somewhere for a couple of days with DC to get some perspective?

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expatinscotland · 25/09/2016 12:49

He'd be outside on the kerb and I'd be down the GUM clinic tomorrow morning.

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Absy · 25/09/2016 12:52

Maybe send him to stay somewhere else while you sort yourself out? Or could you go and stay with someone? Maybe have a family member look after your DS so you get some time to think / sort yourself out

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TheForeignOffice · 25/09/2016 12:53

im so ashamed of that, how could that happen to me

Let me just be crystal clear that you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of Flowers

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Babz33 · 25/09/2016 12:55

has anyone ever went through anything like that? the common sense tells me to leave him and start over were still yound enough we can re-build our lives but how can you trust anyone after that? I he was able to do such a thing everyone is able to do it. its all terrifying

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Babz33 · 25/09/2016 12:58

hes back home now, ill login later, thanks everyone

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HermioneWeasley · 25/09/2016 12:59

I don't know how you learn to trust again in new relationships

I know that paying for sex would be an absolute deal breaker for me - more than an affair. It's the idea that he thinks it's ok to buy women bodies that would revolt me.

Hope you find your way through. Remember, you've done nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of.

Also, the STD check.

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Cary2012 · 25/09/2016 13:01

The shame is all his.

I doubt it was just the once.

You said he regretted it ever since. Do you believe him, or do you think he regretted you finding out?

This would be a deal breaker for me. The trust has gone, lack of respect.

And treating himself for his birthday! How insulting to you and his ds. And how entitled!


Decide what you want to happen, and take your time. Ask him to give you space to decide if you need to. You're in shock, you need time to get your feelings and thoughts together.

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Oldraver · 25/09/2016 13:05

he finally did it but regrets it every day and feels awful.

Only because he was caught out, he's hardly going to say otherwise

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CrazyNameCrazyGuy · 25/09/2016 13:11

Cheating is cheating whether it's a sex worker or some random he met in the pub.

The difference here is the deliberate planning that went into this - not just once but 3 times (as in the amount of times he tried to arrange it).

It wan't a drunken knee-jerk reaction to an argument with you or a spur of the moment reckless decision. It was a deliberate, planned course of action and he had plenty of time to reflect on how this would impact on you and your child.

I wouldn't be able to forgive him.

Definitely get yourself checked out for STI's.

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gratesnakes · 25/09/2016 13:11

Don't have sex with him again.
Divorce him.
Start looking for a divorce lawyer on Monday.
It won't have been the first time and he will do it again too. It's not your fault.
You deserve better.
Good luck.

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LadyConstanceDeCoverlet · 25/09/2016 13:15

Did he actually show signs of "feeling awful" before you found this out? If not, he's either an incredibly good actor or is lying.

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Goingtobeawesome · 25/09/2016 13:15

It's very telling his birthday present to himself was sex with a sex worker. That needs addressing but don't rush to do anything yet. You'll get a lot of leave the bastard posts and people saying how they'd not stay etc but this is your life and you don't have to justify your choices.

Making him leave, or you staying away for a few days and him having to deal with the chores, etc might be a good idea.

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