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husband cheated with hooker what to do

(173 Posts)
Babz33 Sun 25-Sep-16 12:27:46

I'm new here, I just found out 2 days ago my husband got himself a bday gift and wen to a hooker. We've been married for 6 years, we have a baby boy. he was.seemed to be a good husband, supportive, good dad etc, we had good life together. I told him knew, I told him he destroyed everything for us and for our little boy to have a normal family. he said he only went once, he watches a lot of porn and this idea/fantasy hes been having for a while he finally did it but regrets it every day and feels awful. I don't know what to do now should I leave him?

PotteringAlong Sun 25-Sep-16 12:29:07

Yes, I would leave him. And get an std check.

GrimmauldPlace Sun 25-Sep-16 12:33:06

Do you think you'd ever be able to get past the fact that he's slept with someone else? And paid them for the privilege?

FruitCider Sun 25-Sep-16 12:33:23

Doesn't matter if it's a hooker or anyone else. He cheated. STI check and LTB is my response!

BombadierFritz Sun 25-Sep-16 12:33:48

how did you find out? definitely std check. I would also just leave/make him leave over this. the porn and hookers thing is going to be almost impossible to forgive I would think. very sorry sad

Aoibhe Sun 25-Sep-16 12:33:52

How did you find out and how can you be sure that it was his first time?

So sorry for you flowers

Absy Sun 25-Sep-16 12:35:07

I agree. Get an std check and leave him. It sounds like something he deliberately planned and now he regrets it? Anyone with sense would go "I have a living wife and child and a happy life. Should I potentially destroy it by getting a hooker? No. That's a stupid idea" rather than go through with it and regret it after

Absy Sun 25-Sep-16 12:35:28

I mean loving wife. Not living

Babz33 Sun 25-Sep-16 12:43:19

well I looked at his phone for something and found a text confirming 'appointment', I googled the number and there it was... he did admit it, didn't really have a choice as the facts were there, he is adamant it was 1 time, he had that idea in his mind for a while and he did try 2 times before but he made 'appointments' but never went. do I believe that? don't know, its hard to believe I'm actually in that situation. have anyone ever experienced anything like that?

brasty Sun 25-Sep-16 12:45:49

Every woman I have ever read who this has happened to, her husband always swears it was the first time. It defies belief that every husband caught doing this has only done it once.

Littleballerina Sun 25-Sep-16 12:46:17

I wouldn't be able to stay.

bluebeck Sun 25-Sep-16 12:47:46

Agree with PP - LTB and STD check.

Babz33 Sun 25-Sep-16 12:48:14

im so ashamed of that, how could that happen to me or anyone, nothing looks the same now, im kind of pushing all these thoughts away to act 'normal' in front or our little boy but my god I went through so many emotions I now just feel hopeless and motionless

Froginapan Sun 25-Sep-16 12:48:46

Oh out comes The Script

OP - I'm so sorry. Brace yourself for more revelations.

Do you want to leave? Can you go somewhere for a couple of days with DC to get some perspective?

expatinscotland Sun 25-Sep-16 12:49:32

He'd be outside on the kerb and I'd be down the GUM clinic tomorrow morning.

Absy Sun 25-Sep-16 12:52:02

Maybe send him to stay somewhere else while you sort yourself out? Or could you go and stay with someone? Maybe have a family member look after your DS so you get some time to think / sort yourself out

TheForeignOffice Sun 25-Sep-16 12:53:39

im so ashamed of that, how could that happen to me

Let me just be crystal clear that you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of flowers

Babz33 Sun 25-Sep-16 12:55:58

has anyone ever went through anything like that? the common sense tells me to leave him and start over were still yound enough we can re-build our lives but how can you trust anyone after that? I he was able to do such a thing everyone is able to do it. its all terrifying

Babz33 Sun 25-Sep-16 12:58:16

hes back home now, ill login later, thanks everyone

HermioneWeasley Sun 25-Sep-16 12:59:48

I don't know how you learn to trust again in new relationships

I know that paying for sex would be an absolute deal breaker for me - more than an affair. It's the idea that he thinks it's ok to buy women bodies that would revolt me.

Hope you find your way through. Remember, you've done nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of.

Also, the STD check.

Cary2012 Sun 25-Sep-16 13:01:32

The shame is all his.

I doubt it was just the once.

You said he regretted it ever since. Do you believe him, or do you think he regretted you finding out?

This would be a deal breaker for me. The trust has gone, lack of respect.

And treating himself for his birthday! How insulting to you and his ds. And how entitled!

Decide what you want to happen, and take your time. Ask him to give you space to decide if you need to. You're in shock, you need time to get your feelings and thoughts together.

Oldraver Sun 25-Sep-16 13:05:23

he finally did it but regrets it every day and feels awful.

Only because he was caught out, he's hardly going to say otherwise

CrazyNameCrazyGuy Sun 25-Sep-16 13:11:30

Cheating is cheating whether it's a sex worker or some random he met in the pub.

The difference here is the deliberate planning that went into this - not just once but 3 times (as in the amount of times he tried to arrange it).

It wan't a drunken knee-jerk reaction to an argument with you or a spur of the moment reckless decision. It was a deliberate, planned course of action and he had plenty of time to reflect on how this would impact on you and your child.

I wouldn't be able to forgive him.

Definitely get yourself checked out for STI's.

gratesnakes Sun 25-Sep-16 13:11:42

Don't have sex with him again.
Divorce him.
Start looking for a divorce lawyer on Monday.
It won't have been the first time and he will do it again too. It's not your fault.
You deserve better.
Good luck.

LadyConstanceDeCoverlet Sun 25-Sep-16 13:15:00

Did he actually show signs of "feeling awful" before you found this out? If not, he's either an incredibly good actor or is lying.

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