Namechanged and IDing details changed as I suspect both DP and some friends use MN.
I met DP fourteen years ago and we have been together for 13. We were 19 at the time, which strikes me as stupidly, impossibly young.
Over the years we have had some issues but got through. For a long time DP was very difficult to live with - timid, depressive, lazy, overweight and unhealthy and drinking too much. With great self resolve, DP has put all of that behind. I have also had issues with depression and I know I haven't been the easiest. When things were hard before, I waited for it to pass and counted my blessings. We have pets (no children yet), and a lovely house, and lovely friends.
DP worships me. And is genuinely the kindest and sweetest person I know. Frankly deserves much better than me. So this is breaking my heart.
The issue is, that after 13 years something has withered or fizzled. I feel this enormous resentment over all the things I have never done because of my commitment to this relationship. I have never really been a single adult. To put it crudely, I don't think I have slept with enough people. DP was only my 2nd proper sexual partner. I am no longer even sure that I am attracted to DP's gender. Or if I attracted enough to sustain me in a marriage for life.
I have spent most of the last week crying or feeling utterly despondent. I can't believe I am about to do something so awful to my best friend, my confidant. But I am also afraid of how much my resentment will grow if I stay.
For months now I have been trying to convince myself that I am not really a sexual person, or that if DP is 90% happy that can bolster my 40% to 60%, IYSWIM. But I don't think that's the case.
I thought we would grow old together.
DP keeps asking me what is wrong and is trying so hard to cheer me up and that just makes it worse.
Please be gentle.
I don't know what to do.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I may be about to leave the loveliest person in the world and I am devastated
StrawberryMoonFace · 24/09/2016 23:46
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