Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

STBXH turning up at my new house at 6.30am

(21 Posts)
user1471499145 Sat 24-Sep-16 13:56:51

A very long story but after 9 moths of verbal & emotional abuse which included running over my belongings in the road which resulted in the police being called , my husband and I separated about 5 months ago- he left the family home.
He has never accepted the situation & even the police said they felt he would be a very dark shadow in my life for years to come.I had a red flag on my address to alert the police if someone called giving my address. They put me in touch with the Domestic Abuse Centre & I have spoken to Women's Aid on a number of occasions. My friends are on constant guard as they are worried about his instability (I have a 2 hr conversation that I recorded a couple of weeks ago of him calling me the worst names possible - me asking him to leave, him refusing - at the time it was in the family home so he said he has every right to be there), I have a separate hidden PAYG phone that only 2 friends have the no of as he has taken my phone many times. He currently has 1 set of my car keys that he is refusing to give back.
I eventually moved out of the family home last weekend into my 'own' house - paid for & funded by myself.
We try to remain civil when talking for the children (older teenagers) but this usually only lasts for a couple of days before he throws a wobbly about something. It is a cycle of his I now recognise. He will then 'need' something and try to re-engage conversation as if nothing has happened or he will hear that I need the tv fixing or something & turn up as Mr Nice Guy.
I have a new partner with whom I am very happy.
I stayed at a friends last night & received a text from ex-h this morning saying he had left flowers on my doorstep at 6.30am , couldn't see my car & where the fucking hell was I !!! he then proceeded to drive to my known houses & drive round the side streets trying to find me.
I was so happy last week when I moved but now I feel like a prisoner again & I'm not sure what to do.

AndShesGone Sat 24-Sep-16 14:01:21

Do nothing. Block him. Report for harassment. Don't reply, you don't have to tell him anything about your life now flowersflowersflowers

It will take a long time for the fear to go but you owe him nothing.

SleepingTiger Sat 24-Sep-16 14:02:00

Tell the police he is stalking you?

ThatStewie Sat 24-Sep-16 14:06:20

I would take out a nice n molestationorder and use this as evidence of stalking and harassment.

Scarydinosaurs Sat 24-Sep-16 14:09:33

Embarrassingly, I am going to agree with thatstewie again. You need a non-mol order and quickly. Report to police and contact WA for help with how to do this.

DeathStare Sat 24-Sep-16 16:29:20

I agree with what everyone else has -tell the police.

But also if your children are older teenagers do you really need to have any form of communication with him at all? Surely they can make their own arrangements with him?

Dontyouopenthattrapdoor Sat 24-Sep-16 16:35:07

Yep, non mol order. Keep a record of every single contact.

Is changing your car an option; or swapping cars with a friend for a bit? Obviously you shouldn't have to it but might give you some breathing space while you get the order sorted.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 24-Sep-16 16:38:41

Please report this to police. He sounds emotionally compromised

ageingrunner Sat 24-Sep-16 16:43:19

Please don't feel you need to be civil for the children. He's shown himself to be incapable of civility or respecting your boundaries and you just need to protect yourself now. Please tell the police what he's doing. What an arsehole and he sounds dangerous. Sorry you've got this dick in your life flowers

AyeAmarok Sat 24-Sep-16 16:43:57

You need to report this to the police.

SandyY2K Sat 24-Sep-16 18:28:51

You should inform the police. I also think you need to go to email only communication with him. He should only be contacting you for emergency or essential child related matters or divorce matters or anything concerning a house sale if that's applicable

You don't need his flowers or him coming over to help with the tv or anything else.

Change your phone number. Blocking him isnt enough because he'll just use another phone to harass you with.

DoreenLethal Sat 24-Sep-16 19:29:20

How did he get the address?

debbs77 Sat 24-Sep-16 20:06:30

This sounds like my ex. Scary isn't it x

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Sat 24-Sep-16 20:10:53

Phone car insurance and start you have lost the keys and have the locks changed.

RandomMess Sat 24-Sep-16 20:11:36

Straight to the police.

I would stop engaging with him at all verbally. Written communication only.

flowers

Cherrysoup Sat 24-Sep-16 20:28:35

Don't allow communication, that's ridiculous to be stalking you and I don't think that's overstating it. Report every tiny incident to the police.

AdoraBell Sat 24-Sep-16 20:32:45

Show that text to the police. Print it if you can.

Fluffyears Sat 24-Sep-16 21:25:22

Get a steering lock for your car so he is unable to ever just take it as it sounds like something he'd do. Do not respond to any of his communication unless it directly involves your children,

user1471499145 Sat 24-Sep-16 21:46:52

Thank you all.
He knows my address because unfortunately his family own half the town & nothing can be hidden.
I have been to the police & they have copies of the texts & the audio recording.
I am going to go down the non-mol route & the ball will start rolling on Monday.
Thanks for all the advice & I hope if anyone is in my position in the future I can hopefully give some advice. Xx

AdoraBell Sun 25-Sep-16 00:41:43

Well done.

DoreenLethal Sun 25-Sep-16 10:17:41

Yes do that and next time, can you move to a different town? It sounds like a Stephen King novel.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now