I'm trying to figure out the motivation for staying with an abusive man. Or substitute 'a*hole' for abusive man, he's not violent but verbally abusive in many ways...I am tying myself in knots wondering if it's his actions, or my response to his actions, or anything I've done to provoke his actions that is the crux of the issue here, and am wondering if anyone else finds themselves taking responsibility for the actions of an 'abusive' man?
My mother considered herself to be a feminist, in the 70s/early 80s when it was all about assertiveness and her interpretation of being assertive was to be a bit, well, bitchy. As in 'get your own dinner, who do you think I am, the maid?' Etc. And similar with any other housewife-related duties. For some reason I always wanted to be the opposite of her...so ended up with a situation where (as in tonight) I physically find it painful to ask DH to take his own plate into the kitchen. He often treats me like a slave, as if he's 'king of the castle' (thank you Lundy Bancroft) so even when I'm aware that he's treating me badly, am I colluding with his 'abuse' by putting up with it?
It's not an impossible situation and I'm coping by spending most of my time out of the house at a job that I love. But I'm aware of the demands he's putting on me. It's easier for me not to leave which is why I'm still here. But...is it me? Or him? If he truly thinks he's not abusive and that I'm here to serve him, is it my fault for not 'educating' him?
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A rant about verbal abuse/ collusion
30 replies
MrsMcBoatface · 21/09/2016 21:22
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