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My partner is going abroad for Christmas and I may never see her again

(8 Posts)
BlueMatador Wed 21-Sep-16 20:23:44

This is my biggest fear. It is tearing me apart.

I have NC of course. We met this year after she had left her Ex, they are not married. He did not want to accept their split and still does not. He is very abusive. He is young, and not grown up emotionally.

She is a beautiful person, has two small children. They are his and his family rally around him, and have pressured her to stay together. It has got to threats. Taking the children etc. They know what he does is bad, but it seems 'blood is thicker than water' prevails.

At Christmas she goes to her home country. Christmas is a big family time there. His family are in that country also. They met in the UK, no back history in home country. I do not want to say too much, to avoid outing our situation, but there is a risk the children's passports could be withheld by his family, to prevent her from returning until she 'sees reason'. Maybe to not return at all. There is no reason for him to return to the UK, he has no prospects here, but her work, friends and life has been made here since her twenties.

I believe her family would stand up for her. But a small niggle says in some ways they would benefit if she did not, because she would stay home, grandchildren too.

I can see the perfect storm brewing, perhaps irrationally but I can see all those things could easily happen.

I love her. This is killing me.

Does she want to go home? If there's a risk, however small, why isn't she staying in the UK?

LIZS Wed 21-Sep-16 20:28:12

Are they still living together? Do they all go away for Christmas and who are they planning to stay with?

BlueMatador Wed 21-Sep-16 20:29:22

Because she does not see the risk Pottering . Or I am being irrational.

She wants to go home for Christmas, but return to the UK for her life, her children, and me.

BlueMatador Wed 21-Sep-16 20:33:19

She will stay with her family. He will stay with his if he goes, he may stay in the UK with his friends here. But they will not go abroad as a couple.

He sometimes sleeps in the UK family home, to stay with or see his children. They have no physical or emotional relationship.

We are planning on living together soon. We are not the cause of their split.

CalleighDoodle Wed 21-Sep-16 20:47:54

She is just out of a long term relationship. It is Complicated. Ex still sleeps over. You met THIS YEAR And youre planning on living together soon? Thats utter madness. FAR too fast.

LIZS Wed 21-Sep-16 20:52:48

I think you need to take a step back. She needs to be responsible for her own decisions and her children first and foremost, you cannot make decisions for her. Are you from the same background? If she perceives no danger, why do you.

BlueMatador Wed 21-Sep-16 21:00:09

That is a good point LIZS and one that occurred to me. Our backgrounds are different, but not massively. I am UK, she is from America.

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