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How do you survive, when someone you love has a severe MH illness?

(8 Posts)
StillMedusa Wed 21-Sep-16 19:16:10

My DS2 (19) is very unwell. On meds, getting therapy (private and NHS) but every day is a struggle..a big one. He has autism too which impacts even how he can understand the help he does get.
I'm wrung out. Wrung out with worry... wrung out with concened phone calls, chasing people, trying to ensure he is not misunderstood, or behaves in a way which could be judged.

I've been fighting his corner all his life, and we thought we had made it to adulthood with reasonable chances of a happyish life until MH problems started, I've also fought for DD1 when anorexia nearly took her.. through all sorts. They are fabulous people. But now I find myself close to break point. DH is lovely..but he works very long hours and I simply AM the 'fixer, the phone call maker'..the one who carries the stress of every day.
I am a fixer by nature... problem.. find a solution.. sort it. And of course MH isn't that simple. Bloody autism isn't simple on its own, and he's such a lovely man it is breaking my heart.

And I'm starting to crack.. I'm exhausted, weepy..I want to run away from it all. And cannot.

So HOW do I manage my own stress, and fear and continue to juggle everyone's needs? (I work too, in a job that needs me to be on the ball)
I read some evenings, I am learning an instrument too, but the fear creeps into my thoughts so often and I am tired of dealing with it sad

HolyshitIfuckedupbigtime Wed 21-Sep-16 19:23:18

How about finding a support group for families going through the same thing. Could be a massive help flowers.

spankhurst Wed 21-Sep-16 19:27:38

You sound like an amazing person. People can only be anxious for so long before it becomes depression. Is there any chance of some respite care so that you can have a break?

StillMedusa Wed 21-Sep-16 19:34:42

Respite? A few years ago we were offered a whole 3 hours a week, but the financial paperwork was such a massive added stress ( as I have to be an employer) that we eventually gave up on it...and that's when DS2 was a well teen with ASD. We could ask for reassessment but the process is achingly slow and he falls between the cracks.. he has learning disabiltiies but his IQ is over their cut off off 70. But he's not able enough (even when well) to be remotely independent..and he is a very vulnerable at risk adult.
I hadn't thought of a support group.. probably because the local 'carers' groups meet in working hours. I will have a google tho, because I could really use meeting people who are going through similar. Thank you for the suggestionsmile

HolyshitIfuckedupbigtime Wed 21-Sep-16 19:43:20

smile

spankhurst Wed 21-Sep-16 19:46:23

On the MIND website there is info about charities that can help with breaks and holidays. x

Bibbidee Wed 21-Sep-16 20:03:08

Have you had a Carers Assessment?

My DS has MH and undiagnosed Autism (I've given up the fight for an Autism diagnosis) and my marriage finally cracked under the strain of it all. I'm totally burnt out. I have no fight left but see if you can get a Carers Assessment and go from there?

Bibbidee Wed 21-Sep-16 20:05:58

Have a read of the Care Act:

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2014/23/contents/enacted/data.htm

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