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Lost my sparkle! Can anyone help me find it?

(5 Posts)
CakeLover0 Wed 21-Sep-16 18:33:11

I am a single mum (38) of 3. Divorced 8 years. 7 of those year single. Dated lots over that period. Had some awful experiences. Never ever ever felt a spark. I kinda gave up hope and lost alot of confidence along the way! Then questioned if there is such a thing as a spark. Life as a busy mum took over.....
Met someone this time last year online. There it was 'the spark' ! Completely fancied him. Every date I looked forward to. Just wanted to be in his company all of the time. I couldn't believe that after all this time I felt excited. I wanted to look nice, smell nice. I started to lose weight. Just felt happy. My friend said I was glowing!
Anyway, to cut a long story short.....
He didn't like me back! It ended!
We dated for 4 months. Not long I know but long enough to know I have never felt this way before.
It's been 9 months and I still feel sad. I have put on weight, drink alot of wine and just stopped exercising. Completely lost my mojo over this guy.
Why can't I get over this? It was only 4 months.
I have deleted facebook because I was always looking (he's with someone else) and it made me even worse. I am trying to lose weight again. The thing is I'm sat here dying to go and buy wine because wine kinda softens the sadness/loneliness. I'm trying to stop drinking it because it was becoming a problem. I started to rely on a bottle of wine most nights.
I just need to find my sparkle again!

Myusernameismyusername Wed 21-Sep-16 18:37:47

I think you are basically my twin!!!
I found that changing my job helped get me back on track. Also things like reorganising my house. Tidy house, tidy mind!
And getting into things like really good books and box sets.

You feel rejected that's why. Little changes add up to big ones in total, they lead into one another. Making a huge change is hard.

As for the wine, have a reward night twice a week where you only have 2 glasses. That way I feel like I have it to look forward to in moderation

If you feel like it's a bigger issue than that then maybe you should look at going to an AA group, or your GP for some counselling x

CakeLover0 Wed 21-Sep-16 18:48:51

Thankyou!
Just changed jobs and had a clear out over the summer. Felt a bit better after that. I just kept rewarding myself with wine. It was the only thing that took the edge off a lonely evening. I have actually put on 1.5 stone. Trying to find time and motivation to start exercising again. I know I need to find some willpower from somewhere.
I wish I had never met him.
I really don't want to go to counselling. I don't want it to be an issue because I enjoy enjoying a glass of red on weekends.

Myusernameismyusername Wed 21-Sep-16 18:51:45

But it's not just weekends! You seen in denial my dearest wink

CakeLover0 Wed 21-Sep-16 18:54:41

It hasn't always been. No, definitely feel it's an issue. I feel it helps me. This is why I need to find some control over my feelings/life. Just didn't want to go down that road.

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