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DH keeps trying to get me to the gym.

(40 Posts)
Brushes Wed 21-Sep-16 16:13:03

Hi,

My DH keeps doing subtle digs. I have a DD, gave birth 4 months ago. I do have a gym membership, which I did before I had her.

He started with the "I know you used to like going, so go and have a swim, I'll look after her" and I assumed he was being nice. Whenever I said I didn't fancy it, he just kept going on about how I would enjoy it, so I recently went back to just doing the swimming.

He now goes on about how it's been 4 months, so would be good to start getting back into the gym. I don't feel like it, I get up every night to do the feeds (I obviously don't mind) so I sometimes just don't fancy getting up first thing.

He's a PE teacher, so is always around fitness, but I'd rather he didn't try and push it on me.

I can just about get back into my clothes, yes they're a bit tight, as I do have a few pounds to go, but I don't need the constant nudges about getting back into the gym angry

Therealloislane Wed 21-Sep-16 16:20:24

Are you sure he's just not wanting you to get some "you" time?

Dh & I both have gym membership & encourage each other to go - particularly on the days we least feel like it!

SandyY2K Wed 21-Sep-16 16:22:01

Tell him you feel very tired with an infant at the moment, waking up at night and having to pay attention to her all day, but you'll get back into it when you feel up to it.

Brushes Wed 21-Sep-16 16:22:36

No, I really don't. He's very forceful about it. Goes on about getting fit, as it's been 4 months. I know full well he's on about my weight.

rhiaaaaaaaannon Wed 21-Sep-16 16:26:42

Tell him to back off, or have you already done that?
I wouldn't be shy in saying very seriously that are not ready yet and you'll do it in your own time. Every time he mentions it from now on flick him on the nose.

Cynara Wed 21-Sep-16 16:27:43

My son was 14 months old before I had the energy or inclination to exercise. Tell him to fuck off. When he's grown another human, given birth to it and got up multiple times every night as well as caring for the child during the day, he can exercise to his heart's content and suggest you do the same. Until then, he really does need to butt out and concentrate on supporting you in what YOU want to do, not what he thinks you should want to do.

Gymnopedies Wed 21-Sep-16 16:30:47

Wake him up during each night feed (for the whole duration) or threaten to do it if he talks about gym one more time.
He is being completely unreasonable. I hope you have some support, you are doing something fantastic for your DD.

UntilTheCowsComeHome Wed 21-Sep-16 16:32:34

Why pussyfoot around it, if you think he's doing it to get you to lose weight, just say "are you saying I'm fat and need to lose weight? I've just had your baby so you can fuck right off"

If my DH tried to pull that shit (he wouldn't he's not a prick) I'd be telling him straight away.

WhatWouldCoachBombayDo Wed 21-Sep-16 16:37:45

My DS is 2 and only now am I starting to take care of me again! Gym, Weight loss, nice nails ect. DP has not once said exercise or diet to me, he's very physically fit, the fittest in his regiment probably! FS was not a sleepr and DP being forces ment I was doing the lions share and was permanently exhausted working full time and being the only parent 90% of the time.

Tell your DP to back off your not ready yet.

MissPattie Wed 21-Sep-16 16:49:57

My youngest DC is Six and I have only just started to get fit!

Tell him to fuck off. But first ask him how he thinks this makes you feel. Ask him if he has ever once imagined what it must be like to be pregnant, to give birth and to look after a new born.

I think you may have married an idiot.

Brushes Wed 21-Sep-16 16:53:41

Thanks all, I think I'll just go all out and say how I feel.

Dozer Wed 21-Sep-16 16:56:56

Pull him up on it: how you spend your (limited) free time is up to you.

And make sure he's doing his fair share of night/early morning parenting - if you bf there will be more for you, but still plenty he can do.

TwigletsMakeMeViolent Wed 21-Sep-16 16:58:40

I have a friend in your position - her DH is also a PE teacher. He told her if she got a six pack by Christmas he'd buy her jewellery. hmm. He has a pot belly, but no self awareness, clearly.

Anyway, your baby is so tiny, and those early days and months are so exhausting. I am a regular gym goer but it took me a while to get back into the swing of things after babies as I was just so tired. Tell him since he offered, he can look after baby while you have a nap or blob out.

Dozer Wed 21-Sep-16 17:05:44

That's grim twiglets, your poor friend!

Kneejerk Wed 21-Sep-16 17:20:19

Look after yourself first, you are still recovering from childbirth and the exhaustion of being a mum. If he understands then he will listen when you explain how tired you are. Sometimes men who work haven't a clue about being exhausted after nappies, nighttime feeds and washing all day, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care. Don't let it get to you, do it when you are ready

ShebaShimmyShake Wed 21-Sep-16 19:08:11

Another twat who thinks pregnancy is like eating Dairy Milk for nine months and that childbirth is a simple popping out procedure that requires no recovery time. Oh, and that caring for a newborn with night feeds is a doddle.

Tell him you know what he's on about and he's a criminal idiot if he doesn't realise your body has been stretched, softened, reconfigured and blown to hell and back this past year. It's not a simple matter of losing a layer of fat when your muscles have stretched, your ligaments softened and your bones spread. Even your eyeballs will have changed shape thanks to water retention. And after all that, and the major body trauma of birth, you're now expected to experience a level of sleep deprivation seen in torture camps.

And then tell him your body needs some time to fucking rest before you can even think about diet and exercise, and add that he's welcome for the beautiful child you bore him. And what did his body do to create that child again? Do remind you of what he did and what you did.....

DevonLulu Wed 21-Sep-16 19:12:21

I would encourage the time away, just go and sit on the sauna or read the paper in the cafe. I'd love my husband to think to offer me a break! you don't need to exercise!!

TheNaze73 Wed 21-Sep-16 19:22:16

I actually think he's trying to be nice. He must be misreading you, if you don't want to be cajoled along

Brushes Wed 21-Sep-16 20:25:05

Glad you know my husband more than me? grinconfusedhmm

Thanks everyone else! smile trust me, if he was being nice, he'd play the "I'm just being nice" card. Not the well, it has been 4 months now, time to get back into it and going on about how I sometimes still wear maternity clothes, etc.

Seeyouontheotherside Wed 21-Sep-16 20:35:26

Tbh, I can see his point of view. If you're with someone who is fit and healthy because that's what you're attracted to and then they have no interest in being fit, healthy and attractive anymore, that's a huge turnoff. Someone who usually takes care of their appearance isn't the same person when they're not taking care of their appearance. He just wants his wife back.

tallwivglasses Wed 21-Sep-16 20:42:04

Great! He can do all the night feeds then can't he. Jeez hmm

minipie Wed 21-Sep-16 20:46:38

just say "are you saying I'm fat and need to lose weight? I've just had your baby so you can fuck right off" yep this.

Seeyou are you serious?!

Cynara Wed 21-Sep-16 20:52:32

seeyou Wtf?? The OP gave birth 4 months ago. She's breastfeeding a newborn through the night. Why the fucking hell should she be prioritising losing weight to appease her husband over doing whatever she needs to do to cope with her exhaustion and sleep deprivation? He should be on his knees thanking her for what she's been through and is still going through to provide him with his beautiful child and lovely family life, while he enjoys his uninterrupted sleep and untraumatised body.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos Wed 21-Sep-16 20:53:17

Saw this today ...

CalleighDoodle Wed 21-Sep-16 20:55:56

Ffs just go to the bloody gym!

When he gets home from work pass him the baby, grab your gym kit, head to the gym --coffee shop--for a coffee and a slice of cake, read a book in peace then head to the steam room.

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