Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Anyone else a loner or is it just me?

(12 Posts)
toots321 Wed 21-Sep-16 15:24:39

I'm wondering if this is normal as I'm feeling sorry for myself.....
My career is going to plan (it's been 6 years of absolute bonkersness to get here) but still not quite there but there is a light.
I have been single forever. Dated in between separating from my eH. I have 3 children. Life is just bonkers as I get absolutely 0 input from their father. From dentist trips to parties to ballet and so much more I don't have time to think about being single. The thing is I see no-one well, I say no-one obviously people I go to uni/work with. I have deactivated my Facebook because it made me feel more lonely. I plod along but wonder if this is normal to have absolutely no life outside of kids/work/study? I only have my mum who works full time and socialises on weekends with her man. I going to end up a lonely old soul? Is it normal to just interact with adults only in work/uni? I'm wondering if This is why every so often I feel a sense of not belonging. How do people start over with no family or friends? I sound like a loner I know. Just curious to see if it's normal or I am actually a loner?

ChowBloomingMein Wed 21-Sep-16 15:28:36

Perfectly normal and congratulations on the progress you've made with your career plan!

Vagabond Wed 21-Sep-16 15:31:53

I think loners like being alone. Do you like being alone?

If you don't like it, then you need to change it. How? Friends from work (make them), mothers at school (make a tremendous effort), join a sports team or a club where you'll meet like minded people.

You say you're so busy....is it all work and study or are you socialising?

It's so hard to 'start over'. My suggestion is be open to invitations (even the ones you don't want) and say "yes" to everything. An open heart invites new people in. Good luck. I've just moved to a new country and after 18 months, I don't have any real friends yet, I have women I can have coffee and have the occasional night out with . It's a start that I can build on.

toots321 Wed 21-Sep-16 15:37:07

Thankyou smile
I like unwinding alone. I don't mind my own company but I go to bed early to end the boredom.
All work/study/kids.... I don't socialise at all. I sometimes think I should make more effort. It's just everyone has their own lives and seem busy.
It's definitely a start for you, yes. Good luck to you too smile

RiceCrispieTreats Wed 21-Sep-16 15:50:10

Also, make the effort to invite people to things, like brunch at your house. And persevere with it. If you reach out to people, they will flattered and well disposed toward you, but it will still take a few meet-ups before they go from "acquaintance" to "friend who will issue return invitations". So don't give up just because you're not getting immediate results.

A bit of socialising makes for a healthy life balance. Sounds like you just need to put in a little bit of time and effort in that one area of your life.

Congratulations on the rest (eg. career and kids), which seems to be going well for you!

PinkSquash Wed 21-Sep-16 15:52:33

Congratulations on what you have achieved!
I think it's easy to fall into that trap when you work/have children/ single parent as you're continually juggling everyone elses needs.

You're not alone flowers

toots321 Wed 21-Sep-16 16:44:33

Thankyou smile
I think it's one of those days today!

ohnoonoo Wed 21-Sep-16 16:46:26

I'm a loner as well although I do have a BF.

I never see anyone outside of work really - I don't enjoy it blushsad

fivetosix Wed 21-Sep-16 16:48:11

I fall into that category!

I am newly separated, have three DCs but my parents are deceased and I have no siblings. I have only a few people who I would class as good friends.

Life as a Mum took over I guess. I've always been a home bird and enjoyed my own company but I am starting to feel the strain now I am planning a divorce with nobody I can really turn to for a hug/advice/night out.

I need to make more of an effort with people, but sometimes anxiety can get in the way a bit. Well done on your career!

Squeegle Wed 21-Sep-16 16:48:30

It's hard. I'm similar. I like my own company and I get exhausted from work and the trials of the children, but then I feel lonely. I'm not that keen a party host, and I'm always panicked if I have to go to a social occasion alone, but I am happy to socialise with people I know! So a slightly vicious circle. I suspect you and I are not alone- but Facebook often gives the impression that everyone is having a riotous old time!

Joysmum Wed 21-Sep-16 17:13:41

I have deactivated my Facebook because it made me feel more lonely

Doesn't sound like you're very happy to me.

There's a big difference between being 'alone' and being 'lonely'.

Shayelle Wed 21-Sep-16 17:16:51

I love being a loner! grin I do have lots of lovely friends but I actively have to fight to be alone. Its just nice and peaceful smile I can spend days alone, perfectly happy.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now