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Feeling unhappy and drained

(4 Posts)
carolmusic Wed 21-Sep-16 10:03:32

I've been wanting to vent on here for a while now but didn't dare because I think I'm being silly. 2 and a half years ago I met up with this guy I used to really like when I was in my twenties. We both realised that we always wanted each other all this time but it was just never right. Anyway we've been together for 2 and a half years now but things aren't very good. We've both had really bad relationship experiences and I think we've both been damaged from them so we both have a very big brick wall up. I e worked really hard to knock mine down but his seems to be getting taller. We've not had sex for 18 months now, we don't talk about because he want talk about it, it's him more than me that doesn't want it, think he has a problem but he just brushes it under the carpet. He's nearly 50 and I'm 44 so I'm putting all this down to age on his side, sex aside though he won't come near me to even cuddle me, there's nothing there anymore. He's never married, never had children and he regrets both of those things because he says he wishes he'd done both with me. This is the bit I don't understand, he says that but now he's got me, it feels more like a friendship than being a couple. He admits he's rubbish at relationships but doesn't even try and everything we do it's all based around what he wants to do, not interested in what I want to do.
Anyway a few weeks ago I told him I think it's best if we just stay friends but not be in a relationship anymore. I just feel like I'm a complete failure where men are concerned. Think I'm better off on my own.

KylieJo Wed 21-Sep-16 10:37:20

I do believe that there are problems, but they are on his side. Sounds to me like he realises to a certain extent that there are issues with him, but he is just not brave enough to face them. The way you describe it is what I would link to some young person, i.e. 20-25, who has just had a traumatic relationships and says will never love again, but we all know that can be easily overcome. When you are at twice that age, however, things are a bit different, as you know yourself better and you can work towards fixing a problem, rather than ignoring it or worse - admitting it and doing nothing about it.

Did he try to knock his wall when your relationship started? Can you objectively tell that he did his best to open his heart to you and give it his all to contribute to a healthy relationship? If he didn't do these things, then you need to ask if he is willing to do so now. Otherwise it is a waste of time and a sorry existence together, which I don't think anyone deserves.

If you want to find love with someone who's able to return that love, you're going to have to move on. This guy is never going to give you what you need.

carolmusic Wed 21-Sep-16 11:04:42

Finding it hard to let go because I think this is my last chance at trying to have someone in my life but I'm obviously not good enough for anyone.

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