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how to end it- advice please

(12 Posts)
justdonetheNC Tue 20-Sep-16 18:34:28

NC for this as I'm feeling quite ashamed about the whole situation. Please dont judge.
So I met him online over 3 years ago and we had a few weeks fling, no hard feelings it fizzled out, mainly due to me being busy and not in the state for anything regular at the time. He kept in touch, sending me messages every couple months like how you doing, I miss you, how you been etc. I was always very removed but polite replying though I was very honest with him saying that I am seeing someone at the moment and I am happy and I am not interested in meeting up. His replies were like oh lucky him, I really wish we were a couple etc. Fair to mention that we were never a couple, it was just a fling, we didn't go out, we didn't spend quality time together, its was just psychical. He was respectful though and wasn't suggesting I should see him behind my BF back or anything.
In May this year he txt again, I was single and I told him I was. Immediately he ws like we need to meet up, this is his chance etc, we start to talk everyday, I was getting an impression that he changed, he was talking he needs to settle down, he missed me, he never met anyone like me etc. Whilst it was nice and I wanted to believe it, I still remembered from before that he was not interested in anything else than my body. I told him that, he denied and said this time it will be different. anyway I agreed to meet up. we had a cosy night in and obviously DTD-d, we are not quite on the same page in the bedroom and I did address the issue as I didn't see myself being long term with it. he said he needs time. Over time nothing changed, I was still not happy and not really enjoying, he from the other hand was saying that the sex is amazing, that I am amazing etc. when I subtly reminded him what the issue was, he said I should give him time. well, I dont want to give him anymore time. tried to break it off few times, he always says thats too early, that I should give it more time and test it. I know I dont wanna carry on. we spoke about our fantasies casually, next thing I know he created us a profile on swingers website, I want to take my pics off now. Those are not face pics but still. I got all login details so I could do it anytime but I also want to just send one txt ending the whole thing. I was trying to cool off things and been NC for the whole week but it didnt quite worked. He is texting me all day today asking if I still want to see him so I cant drag it and avoid answer anymore.
sorry it came out long
please suggest what do I txt him, as my txts to end it before didnt work.

category12 Tue 20-Sep-16 18:39:52

Take the pics off. Close the profile.

Say "This isn't working for me. I don't want to be in a relationship with you. Don't contact me again." And block him everywhere.

He's basically nagged you into having a relationship with him, you don't want to be with him, you don't owe him a relationship. Time to stand up for yourself.

skyyequake Tue 20-Sep-16 18:47:19

wow he sounds like hard work!!

The only reason texts haven't worked is because you've let him talk you out of it!

Send him the text. Explicitly say it is over. Then ignore any replies. If you can't ignore them, then block him. It's literally as simple as that.

Your whole relationship is on his terms. You do not need for him to agree to break up, that's why you're the one breaking up with him.

justdonetheNC Tue 20-Sep-16 18:54:54

I dont feel its even the relationship, I feel like a sex machine here. He does not consider me in bed at all, which is quite shocking for me coz never met a man like that. He said he is happy and Im amazing in bed, though I cant say the same thing about him. When I suggested we go out or do something outside of my bedroom, he says yeah we will, but it never happens. I am surprised with myself I let it go for so long as I dont even like him that much and I am not feeling comfortable in his company, I am not 100% myself when he is around, if you know what I mean.
I just txt him that its not working for me and that I deleted my pics and the profile. I am freaking out now.

category12 Tue 20-Sep-16 19:01:17

Block him. You don't have to listen to him or give him another chance or explain why you don't want to be with him. He's had his chances.

Get a little bit of anger going that you've been putting up with this crap and he has steam-rollered over you for this long.

Chinnygirl Tue 20-Sep-16 19:08:34

Text him and then never, never, never talk or text or write or smoke signal this man ever again.

justdonetheNC Tue 20-Sep-16 19:24:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

soaringdoves Tue 20-Sep-16 20:48:47

You have tried to tell him a few times by the sounds of it. You owe him nothing. You owe yourself happiness. You most likely wont get happiness with this guy. Stay firm

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 20-Sep-16 21:01:07

What do you mean you hope this is it now? It is over by you making it over.

If he tries to reel you in the best thing is to totally ignore him.

Although, if I were you I would be seriously tempted to reply "I've told you many times that the sex is too rubbish for me to bother with. It's over. Don't contact me again."

HuskyLover1 Tue 20-Sep-16 21:42:08

In the nicest way possible, get a back bone. You don't want to be with him, so don't. It's easy peasy. Just don't reply to any messages. Job done. There's no need to "freak out" about anything. Drama rama.

Cabrinha Tue 20-Sep-16 21:55:51

Tbh, can you blame him for keeping on nagging you to stay with him?

- you're willing to have sex with him when it's shit for you

- you're doing it for him (sex machine? confused ugh)

- you're prepared to be on swingers sites (most women aren't)

- you don't mind that you never do anything else but this crap sex (you say on here you mind, but your actions to him say you don't)

You are give give give. Why wouldn't he pester you to stay with him?

You make it sound so inevitable that you had sex with him again. You don't even like him! You're not even comfortable with him! You must address why you think you're there to serve him, or any man, without meeting your own needs.

Be warned that he will nag again - who can blame him, he's got an easy thing going and he knows nagging works on you.

So - you've now texted him it's over. Next thing you do, is ignore any further communication. Or after any more, reply that you won't be replying again. After that - MEAN IT. Block him, delete him - but definitely ignore him.

It's not rocket science. And please - spend the time you save not giving him sex to work on yourself, why you put up with that for so long!

justdonetheNC Wed 21-Sep-16 20:16:26

thank you everyone who replied, I know I have a problem.
especially Cabrinha - your post made me think outside the box

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