I need some advice and hope someone can help. I've been in a relationship with a man I love for a while now, and we are both very happy together. But he has two children and we're struggling to work out an agreement about childcare. At the moment one of his children stays with us on a Monday, thurs, fri night and we see him, and his brother all day Saturday. So whilst it's not 50% of the time it's close enough. The younger child is with us as often as the older child - but he just stays overnight occasionally. The other younfger child doesn't really want to stay with us as he's very attached to his mother. I'm happy with this arrangement as to me it's healthy for the children to spend time with both parents nd I know my boyfriend is a parent first and foremost before he is a boyfriend to me. If he didn't care about his children I wouldn't be with him. I don't have children and I do value getting a break from the children as not being their natural mum can be tough. For me it's important that these children have equal time with their mum and dad. But my boyfriend wants an open door policy where his children can come round anytime. I do get why, as I can't imagine how difficult it is separating from your children - but I have needs too and I'm trying to balance what's best for his children with my own need for some child free nights and making my boyfriend happy at the same time. I want my own children soon but I also want to enjoy what time I have left before I can hopefully become a parent myself. Am I being unreasonable in wanting a more formal agreement about the nights the children stay so everyone knows what nights are mums nights and what nights are dads nights? Is this normal? Is the current arrangement of almost 50% fair given the younger child won't stay regularly stay overnight with us? If boundaries about who's staying where and when are blurred, will this cause confusion? I just need to know what's best for everyone involved and what's fair? Can anyone out there advise?
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