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I don't think I am ready. Dating!

(11 Posts)
Lostsoul62 Mon 19-Sep-16 23:14:37

So I.left my horribly abusive ex husband in January. He is a twisted shite so I've taken some time healing. When I left him because of how horrible he had become. Regular smashing of doors, my possessions, screaming at me in front of our daughter etc. I realise just how lost my soul was now that I am out the other side (almost)
I have been dating a nice man for around 2 months and he seems very keen whereas I have anxiety attacks before visiting/spending time together etc. Also he kind of just expects me to see him every weekend now and message every day which I am just not enjoying.
This is the first I have dated since I left my husband and because of the abuse my walls are up and i feel guarded emotionally and physically. So I am not sure what I am asking really, would you continue to date him and try to move past my uncomfortable feelings and is it normal to overthink dating so much! (to the point of sweat patches?

QueenLizIII Mon 19-Sep-16 23:16:50

You don't have to date. It is ok to be single.

You're not enjoying it and he would probably rather be with someone who isn't resentful of spending weekends with him and messaging him.

Not it isnt normal to be having full on anxiety while dating. Take some time out and just be by yourself. You owe it to yourself flowers

MiddleClassProblem Mon 19-Sep-16 23:21:00

If you were that into him you would want to see him more, even if your less into him because it's the wrong time. It's up to you if you still see him but you need a bit of a confidence boost with whoever you date to communicate and see them as much as you feel comfortable rather than feeling you should because they want to. That's how you end up back where you were.

If he texts you, you don't have to text back right away. Text back later that day then again leave it for a while if he responds.

If you still want to see him but it feels too much just tell him so and that you like seeing him every fortnight, not in a rush etc.

It sonnds like if you leave it it will go from dating to something more serious when it sounds like you just need something a bit lighter right now.

MiddleClassProblem Mon 19-Sep-16 23:21:45

What QueenLizIII said!

Lostsoul62 Mon 19-Sep-16 23:21:57

Thank you for the reply, I find I need validation alot Because of constantly having to.answer to my ex, and forgetting that I have my own voice, feelings and they matter. I am trying hard to get out of that mindframe. But I do try to people please way too much and hate that trait in me. Thank you for the advice.

MiddleClassProblem Mon 19-Sep-16 23:24:48

In that case, don't date. Just do you. That time you would spend dating, do things you really would like to do whether it's a class, a group, something on your own like visiting places, doing things with friends or going to the cinema on your own. Date yourself! Get to know yourself again x

Lostsoul62 Mon 19-Sep-16 23:25:42

Your right middle class. I should be more into him. Thanks

TheNaze73 Mon 19-Sep-16 23:30:06

I don't think the amount of time you see someone equals how much you're into them. You only left your DH at the start of the year as well. Go with your gut, you don't need to live in someone's pocket to like someone

Lostsoul62 Mon 19-Sep-16 23:34:54

I know, I don't think I am in the right headspace for dating. It should be simple and I shouldn't have to think to much on it/into it. It's not normal as confirmed by mumsnet. Thanks everyone

RiceCrispieTreats Tue 20-Sep-16 07:47:05

Since January is no time at all! I'm not surprised that dating is making you feel confused and anxious: you haven't had time to find your own feet yet.

Relationships are best entered into when you are feeling completely stable. Take the time that you need to heal.

I recommend group therapy for abuse survivors, such as the Freedom Programme, too.

Morasssassafras Tue 20-Sep-16 11:58:00

This ^ ^ ^

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