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DP son

(5 Posts)
Bob19702 Mon 19-Sep-16 20:10:30

First off I am a long term user of MN but name changed so I don't out myself ...
I have been seeing my DP for nearly 3 years we have a very loving and close relationship with the usual ups and downs life throws at us we both have our own houses but spend half the week together.
She has a 20 year old son who has always been a problem but seems to be getting worse , just a few examples he lost his job in February this year due to poor time keeping and no really being bothered about turning up to work and makes no effort to get another blaming lack of opportunity and feeling down and depressed, my DP and myself have been away on holiday twice this year and both times he has had a massive party and wreaked her house the last time smashing internal doors etc. He day consists of coming in at 3-4 am and sleeping all day. I have always tried to help him by getting job details to send applications but to be honest I don't think he bothers. He smokes weed lies compulsively and is constantly trying to borrow money off his mum , he doesn't see anything wrong with his life and is quite happy to sit about for the rest of his life and nothing is ever his fault he feels he is the victim.

Now the problem , she has kicked him out twice and he just sleeps in his car coming home with a sob story until she takes him back at first she would ask my opinion and I wasn't judgemental but told her exactly what I think she should do , lately it is causing tension between us because if I comment on the way he treats her then she thinks I am being nasty .
If it was her husband she would divorce him for mental and verbal abuse.
I have a son the same age who works is very respectful and I am finding myself not talking about him in case it looks like I am making comparisons between the two ... again this is causing tension.

Going forwards I would love to live together but cannot see it happening with the situation and it is cloudy my thoughts and feelings about where the relationship will end up going...
What do you think? .

Northernparent68 Mon 19-Sep-16 20:31:24

You are right, you should nt live together. If I were you I would nt stay at her house either, it can't be much fun for any of you.

I' d stop giving her your opinion and I'd probably tell tell her straight there's no point in her mentioning her son's behaviour if she's not prepared to listen to you.

I do not think she should prevent you from talking about your son, why should nt you be proud of him And want to mention him.

Bob19702 Mon 19-Sep-16 20:36:02

Thanks for the reply , she doesn't stop me talking about mine it's more me being guarded so I don't make her feel bad, She gets on very well with both of my DCs , I agree about the staying over it is a bit touchy when he comes home , but to be honest he stays out of the way during normal day time hours unless he wants something.. I am no mug or walk over and find myself getting more wound up by his behaviour.

SandyY2K Mon 19-Sep-16 20:42:55

Sounds like she's enabling his behaviour, but a child is harder to harsh with and you can't divorce your kids.

Bob19702 Mon 19-Sep-16 20:46:41

Yes I totally agree with that and she does make it easy for him to behave like he is .
So do we just carrying on with our relationship with no future plans , I am very proactive and like to plan and know my future plans...

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