Hi all. 30 year old father of two kids, 3 and 5. My wife is 31. I love my kids and in generally we have a happy and fulfilling family life, despite being very busy.
My wife recently broached the topic of another child during our anniversary recently, as I have been looking into getting a vasectomy. We originally always wanted one child, and after our first we decided to go for a second, which has MASSIVELY increased the challenges of parenting. At this point, I am satisfied with our parenting experience. She asked me how I would feel if we found out she was pregnant. I was very honest (probably could have been more delicate, but this caught me by surprise) and told her that I don't really know if I would be happy. I cited that I felt that we are already at capacity in terms of time and finances; we both work 40+ hours, plus I own a business and have a couple of hobbies. I feel that externally, we would have a hard time functioning smoothey as a household. It would be difficult to devote the time to each child that I feel is necessary to provide them quality parenting and opportunities and activities. Financially we are saving for our first home, repairing credit, and paying down student loans; I don't think another child at this point would be a wise move, financially. Internally, I have to admit a degree of selfishness. I want to sleep again. I want to have my wife to myself on occasion. I want to be able to pursue my own career goals and continue to develop my hobbies. I don't recall feeling this way with my last two children, and so I need to take that as a big indicator of where I sit.
At this point I know my wife was disappointed in my answer, and I very much suspect she is actively wanting another child. I would like some guidance and to hear about the experiences you all may have had in similar circumstances. I do plan on having a real discussion about this with her, as I am aware I don't have all of the information here. I want my wife to be happy and satisfied, but I cannot be dishonest with her about this and how I feel about another child, especially given the current context of our lives.
For the record, if we did get pregnant, I would rise to the occasion. I know I would love our third hypothetocal child. She is afraid I will resent her if that happens due to my previous answers to her. I fear she may resent me if I deny her the opportunity to have a larger family.
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Relationships
My wife wants another child, and I do not. What do I do?
Fatherandhusband · 19/09/2016 17:23
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