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Another mum thread...

(6 Posts)
Ellarose85 Mon 19-Sep-16 10:26:51

My mum is quite an emotional person and can't be quite selfish too - there's a huge back story to this but a lot of people would've walked away from my mum if they were in my shoes. My DB and I have to walk on eggshells around her as so not to upset her.

We recently went on holiday together and she got upset because I kept telling her dog off for jumping up and knocking my toddler over, since then she has been distant, no contact unless I initiate it and only yes or no answers when we do speak.

She had to pop over to watch my kids on Friday while I had a Drs appointment and everything was fine. I spoke to her on Saturday and she was telling me that she felt unwell (this often happens when I have done things to upset her followed by lots of ignoring from her) I have been trying to contact her to make sure that she is okay but she hasn't answered any calls or rang me back. My DB has also heard nothing from her but doesn't seem to be worried as she does this to him often.

I'm tempted to ring her work to make sure that she has made it in today, I'm obviously worried as the last time I heard from her she said she felt unwell but I know she will be fuming if she is fine and I have bothered her at work.

Wwyd? Shall I just call and if she is angry, explain that I was worried and all she needed to do was let me know that she was okay and that it isn't fair to let people worry.

WinchesterWoman Mon 19-Sep-16 10:31:29

Can you text her? Job done. Is she a bit attention seeking always? It sounds exhausting. By 'when I have done things to upset her' it obviously means 'things she doesn't like'.

I would send a text, stop thinking about it and get on with your day.

fldsmdfr Mon 19-Sep-16 10:38:31

Take a leaf out of your DB's book and don't bother. Unless she is elderly or infirm you don't need to be knocking yourself out to check that she's alive. It sounds like this is a pattern for her (claiming to be unwell then ignoring you). It is manipulative attention seeking. You have done your best to try to speak to her, she could have easily picked up the phone or replied to one of your messages. DON'T call her at work. She would then get to be angry at you at the same time as revelling in the power she has to make you worry about her.

fldsmdfr Mon 19-Sep-16 10:40:40

You don't need to worry about her. She is ok. If she actually needed you, she'd have got in touch/answered her phone. You are not responsible for her.

Ellarose85 Mon 19-Sep-16 11:02:35

Thank you for your responses, they have put my mind at rest slightly. She really does make me feel incredibly guilty sometimes and I know that's not how things should be.

I've been avoiding texting her as that usually starts a barrage of texts that upset me.

She is quite attention seeking, especially since grandkids have come along, she is very good with them but I think she finds it hard that we are busy with our own lives more now.

fldsmdfr Mon 19-Sep-16 11:59:34

Basically, she knows she was in the wrong (about you telling her off about the dog) and is waiting until you are worried enough and feel guilty enough (for what exactly? I don't know, but I bet you're feeling guilty in some unfathomable way for not being able to check she's ok) so that when she finally lets you get in touch she can either barrage you with upsetting texts or be furious with you for calling her at work, and you get firmly placed in the wrong and have to go about apologising and soothing her. Don't play your part in her game.

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