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Is there anything I can do?

(6 Posts)
wantingahappyending Sun 18-Sep-16 17:54:43

My husband left after a brief emotional affair about three months ago. We have been married 17 years and have three children (9,6 and 1). Before he left things had been strained as his job seemed to be taking up all his time and we had hardly any time together but his leaving still came as a shock as he has always said how much he loves me, always will, would never leave etc. I was and still am devastated as I love the bones of this man and thought we would always be together.
I begged him to come back which resulted in both of us becoming very upset but the upshot being that he doesn't love me in that way anymore and too much has happened to go back. He barely contacts me when he's not here and I know he's on dating websites etc but when we do speak he is friendly, helpful, accommodating etc and just the other day brought me painkillers and a drink when I was ill and kept checking up on me.
I know he's been really down and has arranged counselling for himself and gone on to anti depressants but I think that is out of guilt for the upset he has caused me and everyone else.
Basically, what I'm asking is do I give it more time to see if he comes to realise that he does still love me, is there anything I could do to help the situation? Also I have been talking to someone online but I'm wondering if I should leave that as I'm not over h or would a new guy on the scene help me move on?
Anyone got any experiences of their own that are similar???

wantingahappyending Sun 18-Sep-16 19:32:29

Anyone? I could really do with some advice the whole situation is constantly on my mind

Superstar90 Sun 18-Sep-16 19:37:51

So hard with kids but work on your happiness and being the best you you can be (think Kate Middleton after her and will split). Get a hair cut, join the gym, take up a new hobby, buy some new clothes, go on holiday- all the cliches. You need to seem exotic and interesting to him again. On the flip side - are you sure you would want him back?! He's hurt you so much.

Superstar90 Sun 18-Sep-16 19:41:28

Ps I don't mean to mean wanting but are you also sure he didn't have a full blown affair (working a lot and all)? It just seems odd he's left - with so much at stake (three kids, you essentially still got on, you loved him). Can you talk to him more about his reasons for leaving? You have a young child that's bound to have put the pressure on your relationship. Might help you move things on one way or other.

heyday Sun 18-Sep-16 19:44:39

Good advice from superstar. Relationships can change over the years. He probably does still love you in a way but it sounds like he needs some space and kind of knows that it's time to move on. Work on maintaining a good, friendly relationship as that will be beneficial for all of you. Who knows, in time you may get back together but there is a high chance that you won't and you need to find the strength to get through this very difficult time in your life.
Your children will need lots of love and reassurance too as this will hit them very hard. That's something that you both have to do.

wantingahappyending Sun 18-Sep-16 20:24:01

He has hurt me enormously but I think we could rebuild our relationship if we tried. I am not interested in any other men tbh I very rarely get attracted to people and feel that h and I are supposed to be together. Plus I don't want to make my children uncomfortable etc
I am trying to be the best me especially for my kids, they are my world and they absolutely come first.
I just don't know what to do for the best really, if I maintain a friendship I find myself reading into every little thing but then I think if I don't there'll never be any chance of a reconciliation plus I miss him so much that a friendship seems better than nothing iyswim.
I'm just so confused about everything

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