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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

NoCapes thread 2 - No cape necessary

993 replies

NoCapes · 18/09/2016 13:17

Can't believe we've filled up a whole thread
But I'm still not ready to be without you all yet ...

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Funko · 18/09/2016 13:20

Gah I posted on the old one!!
Still... Hurrah for nocapes Star

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notapizzaeater · 18/09/2016 13:21

We will be hear as long as you need us xx

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AyeAmarok · 18/09/2016 13:21

You have a Wonderwoman Cape Smile

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NoCapes · 18/09/2016 13:21

aye I don't feel like I'm doing that well, it all still feels...temporary tbh
I know I won't be able to just never speak to him about us again, I know I won't, and I know I'll get drunk and text him at least once
I'm just trying to hold off as long as possible so there's less chance of it even mattering - if that makes any sense at all Confused

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ayeokthen · 18/09/2016 13:21

Hello again!

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skyyequake · 18/09/2016 13:22

shamelessly placemarking so this is in my I'm On list Grin

Also GO NOCAPES [unattractive pom pom dance]

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NoCapes · 18/09/2016 13:23

That was in answer to a post way up the last thread - my thumbs are slow today Blush

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ayeokthen · 18/09/2016 13:23

You'll get there NoCapes honestly you will, it's normal for it to feel temporary. It's a massive change, and he's hurt you very badly over a long period of time. Any time you feel you're wobbling or struggling we're all here! Xxx

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GlitteryFluff · 18/09/2016 13:23

You handled the handover great. Well done.
You've got this. You're doing amazingly.

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Iamdobby63 · 18/09/2016 13:24

If you were to drunk text him he might probably agree with everything you say just to get back in. You have to keep reminding yourself of the reality of living with him.

You are bound to have ups and downs.

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GiddyOnZackHunt · 18/09/2016 13:25

Grin Happy placemark

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Lynnm63 · 18/09/2016 13:25

Hi nocapes love what you've done with the place looks around approvingly you are awesome if I were a man I'd marry you! You made if through the first handover the rest can surely only get easier.

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CousinCharlotte · 18/09/2016 13:25

It's a bumpy road, but you'll get there Brew

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NoCapes · 18/09/2016 13:27

I agree dobby and I do keep reminding myself already
It's not just me that I'm stopping him ignoring/snapping at/shouting and swearing at - it's the kids too and I can't keep doing this to and fro for their sake
I'm already noticing a change in the way they're speaking to me and to each other, without having such a bad influence around
Noticing the changes is keeping me going

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tiredvommachine · 18/09/2016 13:27

You have the advantage of two threads (and the rest) full of his fuckwittery to be able to refer back to when nostalgia/wine makes you think wistfully of the relationship you thought you had.
The bloke is an arse.

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skyyequake · 18/09/2016 13:27

You know, I lost my DGM back in June... It still feels "temporary" to me, like it's not real. You're going through the grieving process, it's tough but unfortunately your relationship is dead, he killed it. Eventually you will reach the acceptance stage, but you will obviously ride the emotional rollercoaster before you get there.

Flowers Wine Chocolate

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NoCapes · 18/09/2016 13:27

Lynn Grin

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GabsAlot · 18/09/2016 13:28

hi nocapes and everyone

lovely new thread!

we're all here still no worries x

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GabsAlot · 18/09/2016 13:29

sorry i cocked up last message on your old thread lots of typos

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PurpleThursday · 18/09/2016 13:29

Checking back in. New tread new life. You recognise the behaviour patterns nocapes, you might slip a little but you are on the right path now!

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FeckTheMagicDragon · 18/09/2016 13:30

It will feel temporary - until it doesn't. One step at a time. Eventually you will start to look forward, not back. Before every decision think 'what would Mumsnet say' :)

There will be hard moments, and yes - you may text him. But remember next morning, in the cold light of day, you have every right to change your mind. At that point you just text him again and say 'I was not in my right frame of mind last night, please ignore'

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ayeokthen · 18/09/2016 13:32

Noticing the changes, and documenting them, either on here on on paper at home, will give you something to hold on to when you're struggling. Your kids sound amazing, properly lovely little people, and I'm sure they're proud of their Mum too xxx

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Afreshstartplease · 18/09/2016 13:34

Well done on the handover nocapes!

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tiredvommachine · 18/09/2016 13:35

Gabs did you type that last message on the old thread with your face? Wink

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rainbowstardrops · 18/09/2016 13:40

Loving the idea of 'New thread, new life'!

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