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Five years

(31 Posts)
justme2116 Sun 18-Sep-16 09:32:12

Been with my DP for 5 years. I am 27 he is 40.

He has two DC now 9 and 13.

I have met the 9 year old a handful of times - as a friend. Never the 13 year old.

DP has always said that I need to be more flexible and trust him more before he introduces me properly.

I do trust him. I just get annoyed that he lives two separate lives. I get annoyed that when he isn't with me I don't exist.

Last night he said he isn't prepared to introduce me now because I haven't changed. And it would mean I win.

Is he wasting my time?

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Sun 18-Sep-16 09:33:30

After 5 years???
Walk away.

Myusernameismyusername Sun 18-Sep-16 09:37:52

His reasons for my meeting them don't make any sense to me.
He's saying you aren't good enough? You aren't long term enough? Are you planning your own children with him?

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 18-Sep-16 09:39:10

Red flags all round re him; he is treating you with utter contempt.

Why do you trust him at all given what he has said?. This is about him, its never been about you at all.

Did you meet him when you were in a bad place yourself? Do not waste any more years on this man.

paddlenorapaddle Sun 18-Sep-16 09:39:29

Sorry but it sounds like you're the OW he's playing you

Time to move on but perhaps get some help with why you accepted this level of crap treatment for so long

Lookatyourwatchnow Sun 18-Sep-16 09:39:44

5 years.

What does he mean by 'be more flexible' and 'trust him more'?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sun 18-Sep-16 09:42:43

You are wasting your time.

How many times have you met the ex?

Livelovebehappy Sun 18-Sep-16 09:48:44

Strange that he's okay with you meeting one but not the other. Maybe the older one is very difficult, and he is reluctant to introduce a new partner into his/her life? Tbh you have to trust his judgement as to whether his DC should be introduced to you, but I certainly would call him out on the reasons he is giving, Ie; you need to change etc. Is there some back story to all this?

HeddaGarbled Sun 18-Sep-16 10:07:39

Oh my goodness me, don't waste any more of your life on this man. You are 27, plenty of time to find someone that you can have a proper openly acknowledged equal relationship with.

AddToBasket Sun 18-Sep-16 10:09:54

Do you know his friends? His parents?

Five years is a long time. There is something else going on.

SaggyNaggy Sun 18-Sep-16 10:19:04

5years? He's hiding something. Run. Fast. Run. Far.

OurBlanche Sun 18-Sep-16 11:12:16

WIN?? Win what?

Sorry, but it really does sound as though you are not his partner, not even grilfriend. Certainly nor someone he values.

I mean, what the hell is he asking you to change? To be utterly submissive and to accept every little thing he wants is your duty to give him?

Tell him to piss off!

Then enjoy yourself!

justme2116 Sun 18-Sep-16 12:05:16

Addtobasket- yeah I have met his friends and his parents. I know all his colleagues.

But all of them seem to play along with it. His parents actively lie for him.

justme2116 Sun 18-Sep-16 12:06:17

Ourblanche l - exactly. Win what. It is a shame to think that we aren't aiming for the same thing. Feels like it is one big game to him.

OurBlanche Sun 18-Sep-16 12:54:56

Well, you can fix that, change the rules. You don't have to tell him, just pick up your ball and take it home!

You sound so sane yet your posts describe an insane world. It sounds so trite but - just tell him to piss off and then refuse to have any more contact.

Your life can't any more difficult without him in it, can it?

ImperialBlether Sun 18-Sep-16 13:01:04

You're 27 - you are in the prime of your life. Why are you spending it with this man? You can do so much better than him.

Dump him.

LumpyMcBentface Sun 18-Sep-16 13:01:49

He's still with his wife, isn't he?

AddToBasket Sun 18-Sep-16 13:14:47

You are going to look back on this and be so angry with yourself unless you take this in hand now.

Are you living together?

HappyJanuary Sun 18-Sep-16 13:36:47

I can't think of a single good reason why he wouldn't introduce you to his children.

Either he doesn't want his ex to know about you, or he doesn't see a future with you.

I think you've waited long enough and need to move on.

justme2116 Sun 18-Sep-16 14:34:19

Addtobasket - he won't commit to actually living with me. He stays most nights at my flat. Occasionally and I mean twice a month he stays with his parents. He earns over £3k a month. Double me. Contributes the odd food shop - although he thinks he contributes more.

LumpyMcBentface Sun 18-Sep-16 14:37:57

What do his parents lie about?

expatinscotland Sun 18-Sep-16 14:40:11

He's a fucking mooch and a liar to boot. Get rid of him! Or, to answer your question, yes, he's wasting your time big style.

Cabrinha Sun 18-Sep-16 14:44:21

So tell me why you're with him?
I know why he's with you - cheap digs and you put up with crap.

doji Sun 18-Sep-16 14:45:58

Please don't waste any more of your twenties on this man. I really wish you could see objectively how badly you're being treated by him - he's not respectful of you or your relationship and that should be a dealbreaker.

ImperialBlether Sun 18-Sep-16 17:09:06

So he doesn't pay any rent or bills?

OP, to make yourself see sense, can you write down a list of your bills for August and write down how many nights he stayed with you? Then try to remember how many times he bought food. (Eating out doesn't count as it's not necessary.)

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