Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Any coming back from this?

(21 Posts)
FatPatricia Sun 18-Sep-16 06:50:20

So, last night me and DP had an alcohol fuelled argument. It was entirely my fault, I hold my hands up to that, I got jealous he was talking to another woman and threw a drink on him. For which I apologised straight away.

In return he just did a complete personality switch, bearing in mind he's normally the sweetest, most gentle person known to man. He flipped out, calling me a slag accusing me of cheating etc etc so anyway, we went home not really talking. Him still being a d*ck about it despite my constant apologising. He got into bed and I wanted him to go sleep in the spare room, so picked up his stuff and moved it to the spare room. Whilst doing so his phone went off and it was a message from another girl so again, wrong I know, I opened it. About 5 minutes after the argument had initially happened he had text another girl, complete separate from the first one saying, 'I love you' so again, things went downhill further and I ended up staying at my mothers house. He's tried to call a few times, not to see if I'm okay or to apologise but to see if I had his car keys.

Does anyone see any way we can come back from this.. Or is it done? I can't figure it out and has coming to collect his car keys later on today. I've slept like shit trying to figure things out in my head but think I just need a bit of perspective.. Anyone?

hesterton Sun 18-Sep-16 06:54:08

Do you have dc together? If not, I'd be inclined to move on. He is 'being loved' by other women, what's that actually about? Is it you being irrationally jealous or is he having inappropriate friendships which go beyond 'friends'? All sounds odd. But not happy.

RiceCrispieTreats Sun 18-Sep-16 07:12:17

I don't think there's any going back from a partner throwing anything at the other, or a partner telling another person "I love you".

No respect, no fidelity = no relationship.

Don't assault people in future. Take a good look at yourself and ask yourself why you felt that was acceptable.

WamBamThankYouMaam Sun 18-Sep-16 07:16:03

He's telling other women he loves them, so unless it's his sister or something then probably not, no.

You sound a nightmare together to be honest. The behaviour from both of you sounds appalling.

FatPatricia Sun 18-Sep-16 07:18:00

Hesterton - I don't know, I really don't know what's going on tbh. No no DC thankfully!

Ricecrispietreats - I don't think it was acceptable in the slightest hence the immediate apology, I've never done anything like it before and I don't know what came over me.. sad

Thank you both for your responses

FatPatricia Sun 18-Sep-16 07:19:57

Wambam - it's so unlike both of us, nothing like this has ever happened before in the time we've been together which is partly why I'm so confused by it.. I don't know.. Thank you.

crje Sun 18-Sep-16 07:20:10

Ye should both find partners who bring out the best, not worst in ye,and drink less in future.

NoCapes Sun 18-Sep-16 07:30:42

Why would you want to come back from this??
He's telling other women he loves them and you're throwing drinks at him
This is done OP, save your pride and just move on

Livelovebehappy Sun 18-Sep-16 09:27:01

To be honest the fact you had a huge row and threw a drink over him isn't the biggest issue here. But the fact he text another woman saying 'I love you' would be a massive red flag, and when he comes for his car keys I would be confronting him about that. If he is having some sort of affair, which seems likely as what other reason would you be telling another woman you love her, then I'm afraid for me it would be bags packed and wave him goodbye. The good thing is you don't have DC so no need to put up with crap and drama on this level. Life is too short.

Myusernameismyusername Sun 18-Sep-16 09:48:40

You won't really trust him anymore will you?
And he isn't exactly making a huge effort to win you back as it is. You have apologised but he hasn't.
I think it's probably over

YNK Sun 18-Sep-16 09:54:51

This is a toxic brew!
Get out and never get into this mess again, it's not healthy!

RiceCrispieTreats Mon 19-Sep-16 09:54:01

I don't think it was acceptable in the slightest hence the immediate apology, I've never done anything like it before and I don't know what came over me

There are a lot of possible explanations, and it's good to understand which one(s) motivated you so that you can understand what's been going on, what thoughts and tendencies you have and what buttons were being pushed, so that you stand a better chance of choosing different behaviour in another situation that might push similar buttons.

Physical aggression is ultimately about 1 of 2 things: seeking to dominate, or self-defense.

Perhaps you were frustrated arguing and wanted to get your husband back in line (obviously not a healthy impulse or the way to go about resolving differences).

Perhaps you are emotionally dependent on him and feeling him withdraw his love felt like psychological death, so you attacked (in which case, it's your emotional dependency on another person you might want to address).

Or any number of things. Only you can know, if you search inside yourself.

But you clearly know that physically lashing out is not healthy or acceptable, so I do think it's worth you digging to understand (and resolve) why you did do something so against your own values in the fire of the moment.

But that's for the long term.

In the short term, this is clearly not a healthy relationship and you should bow out of it.

Goldenhandshake Mon 19-Sep-16 10:29:45

'I love you' texts between him and another woman? I don't see why you would want to come back from this, even without the violent arguments.

SandyY2K Mon 19-Sep-16 11:16:32

If he's telling other women he loves them, where does that leave you? Clearly he's up to no good.

Obviously the drink throwing was out of order, but why did he accuse you of cheating out of nowhere.

Also why didn't you go to the spare room if you accept the argument was your fault?

By DP I assume you aren't married. Just be done with it and move on.

There's no trust or respect in the relationship.

loobyloo1234 Mon 19-Sep-16 11:30:30

Does anyone see any way we can come back from this

Why would you want to? confused He told another woman he loves them? Please get out of this toxic relationship and move on

icouldabeenacontender Mon 19-Sep-16 11:31:04

I'm astonished that you would even want to come back from this.
What's to come back to? He is telling otherwomen that he loves them and you are throwing drinks on him.
For heaven's sake it's a disaster on every level and if you can't see that, I think you have big problems ahead tbh.

HuskyLover1 Mon 19-Sep-16 12:06:32

Whilst throwing a drink on him wasn't great, I suspect that you know something is off with him, and you are at the end of your tether. Throw alcohol in to the mix and him chatting up another woman in front of your very eyes, and you snapped. Not great, but forgive yourself.

He's accusing you of cheating, because that's what he's doing (imo anyway). He's got multiple womens numbers stored to his phone, and they are texting late at night. And you know the texts are dodgy, as you've seen the content. You've left and he isn't begging for you back, he just wants his car keys!

Dump him.

Superstar90 Mon 19-Sep-16 12:09:40

No - there's no coming back. He's been cheating on you. Best thing you can do is accept it and move on rather than waste time and energy trying to fix something that is broken.

Luvjubs Mon 19-Sep-16 12:12:10

Dump him. He's cheating and rightly or wrongly, you lost your temper. Toxic citation and no, there's no going back, even if you try

TheNaze73 Mon 19-Sep-16 12:18:28

It sounds like neither of you like each other. What he said & what you did are both inforgivable in my book

hellsbellsmelons Mon 19-Sep-16 14:27:19

As he is only a P and not a H and you have no kids, then, no, there is no coming back from this.
He was properly 'projecting' accusing you of cheating.
He's called you some awful names.
He's telling other women he loves them.
Seriously!!???
Get him gone for good.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now