I am 2 weeks on from finding out H cheated on me. She is 25, he is 45. There has clearly been an EA between them long before things got physical and now they are dating.
Since finding out I have been devastated. I saw it coming but didn't at the same time if that makes sense.
The situation is that we own a house together with 2 dogs and 3 rabbits and have a flat that is rented out. The tenant wants to move out in January when the lease is up. I cannot afford to keep the house on my own, I wouldn't get a mortgage even if we sell the flat so have proposed that I move into the flat. It means getting rid of the rabbits and one of my dogs, a situation I am not happy with but I have to look to my long term security. H wants to sell the flat and for me to stay in the house and says that he will continue to pay towards the mortgage so I can keep all the pets. I cannot cope with them on my own, the dogs are rescues and need a lot of care. He reckons he will come over once a week to help me maintain the house and clean out the rabbits etc.
It seems so ridiculous writing this down, it's not going to happen, of course it isn't. I had a crisis tonight with one of the dogs because she had an operation yesterday and needed his help but he was on "date night" with the girl so I had to cope. This is exactly how it is going to be if I stay here and keep them on.
So, my question is, is it too soon to consider moving on and selling the house to start moving forward? I don't want to rush things but on the other hand with the tenant moving out in January if we don't then we will have to get another tenant and I will be tied in here for another 6 months/a year.
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Is it better to make an early decision to move on after separation or wait and see where things go?
GinBunny · 17/09/2016 23:09
Staying in the house with pets you can't cope with plus the cheating bastard coming round once a week is clearly ridiculous.
The flat is not your only option.
Sell both and get a place of your own that you choose for yourself.
What a twat he is 
Why would you want to hang tight? Even if it doesn't work out between them would you really want the cheating bastard back?
Didn't think so. Move on to whatever works for you
Well that was quick! I wonder if the novelty of the new romance will soon wear off when they're together 24/7 and she sees him for what he really is.
I'm really quite shocked that he's moved in with her and her parents. It's probably an okay set up for a short while when it's a young couple just starting out and saving for their own home but a but weird for a middle aged man who's just cheated on his wife to be playing happy families. He's probably got more in common with her parents than her.
I certainly wouldn't actively encourage my daughter to stick with a known cheat if she went down that road in fact I'd be very disappointed in her for doing such a thing in the first place but hey ho we're all different.
If you feel the old flat you lived in is for you then I'd be cracking on with the divorce. Get the house sold, use some of the cash to buy him out of the flat so he has no future financial ties over you and get him out of your hair once and for all.
Good luck .
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