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If your partner pushed you over what would you do?

(53 Posts)
ikeawrappingpaper Sat 17-Sep-16 21:57:16

Couple of weeks ago was having an argument with dp, he cut me off mid sentence and walked out of the bedroom shutting the door. I went and opened the door as I didn't want to be shut in there, saying so, probably also trying to finish what I had been cut off in saying (can't remember now). He came back to the door and pushed me hard so that I fell backwards onto the bed. Didn't hurt obv as I fell on soft mattress, but I was a bit shocked. He went off shutting the door again.

Later when I went downstairs he expected me to apologise. I asked if he was going to apologise for pushing me over and he said I shouldn't have followed him. I pointed out that he was shutting me in the room and I didn't want to be shut in, but he still didn't apologise.

I know it's not like he hit me or hurt me, but if your partner did that what would you do?

smilingeyes11 Sat 17-Sep-16 22:01:09

I would leave him. Abuse and violence does not have to be a hit or a punch.

TheZeppo Sat 17-Sep-16 22:03:54

I'd leave him. I am not a dog that can be shut in a room. He could have left the house (controlled his OWN actions) but he chose not to. A man that can push, can slap,can punch. Don't give him that chance.

working9to5WAWTMAL Sat 17-Sep-16 22:04:02

My ex partner started out by pushing me (7 years into the relationship) and graduated pretty quickly to slapping me. Respect from your partner is a key part of a relationship (particularly in terms of how you feel about yourself) and his behaviour indicates that he doesn't respect you or even care about you - if he did, he wouldn't want to hurt or humiliate you. I would make plans to leave. flowers

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Sat 17-Sep-16 22:06:16

My exh shut the door on my arm after I tried to follow him mid argument. It bruised badly and he blamede for following him! That's when I really started to see him for the man he was. . A bully and a lying twat. Don't let it go.

sentia Sat 17-Sep-16 22:08:06

I only had to tell DH once that something he'd done made me feel physically intimidated (he didn't touch me, I can't even really remember what it was but I think it was something like slamming a book down on a table in an argument) and he looked quite aghast and has never done anything like that again. Because he understands that he's a foot taller than me and much stronger so he has to be gentle as a result.

To answer your question, in your situation I would tell him how being pushed made me feel. And if he discounted that I would be seriously angry and upset.

TheHubblesWindscreenWipers Sat 17-Sep-16 22:08:37

I would leave.

That is not the behaviour of a loving and respectful partner. He's crossed a boundary and is unrepentant- he will do it again and it will escalate. Sorry, but I'd be packing his bags.

Purplebluebird Sat 17-Sep-16 22:08:38

I'm afraid I would leave. Would never be able to trust him after that.

RiceCrispieTreats Sat 17-Sep-16 22:09:40

He blames you for his own behaviour? That's confirmation that he is an abuser, if the push hadn't already made that clear.

sentia Sat 17-Sep-16 22:10:53

ikea I also saw your other recent thread. He's not a nice guy. I hope you're ok flowers

TheLastHeatwave Sat 17-Sep-16 22:14:18

I'm curious as to why you are posting now when it happened a couple of weeks ago. What have things been like in the meantime. Did you think you could get past it but are now walking on egg shells or has he been intimidating you?

femfemlicious Sat 17-Sep-16 22:17:36

I think when you have both calmed down and had a chance to think on everything, you should sit him down and discuss the fact that he pushed you physically.

Let him know that irregardless of whatever the situation is , it is totally unacceptable. Maybe try relationship counselling?

PunkrockerGirl Sat 17-Sep-16 22:18:21

Sorry you've been through this OP.
I don't know your housing/financial details obviously, but why should you leave? He's the one that should be thrown out on his sorry arse, not you.

ikeawrappingpaper Sat 17-Sep-16 22:21:14

Yes, it doesn't look good does it. Fucking fuckity fuck. I'm just trying to work the separate issues through in my own head, to test what the little voices are telling me. I mean my inner narrative that on the one tells me that I should not be pushed over for anything but on the other says well you shouldn't have tried to carry on making your point, should have dropped it, should have just waited for him to go out for a fag, it's not like he was standing outside the bloody door holding it shut. I just felt panicked seeing the door being shut. Not for any real reason. I have shut the door before when I have not wanted to argue with him. But I've shut myself on the inside of a room, and generally he has followed me in and carried on.

stitchglitched Sat 17-Sep-16 22:21:40

I posted on your other thread. He is very abusive and is now escalating to physical violence. Please seek support to leave him.

ikeawrappingpaper Sat 17-Sep-16 22:27:15

thelast things have been normal, he's not been intimidating me. I don't think he would hurt me, but it's been playing on my mind and so I wanted to gauge others reactions or what they would do, if it would be a deal breaker for them.
I told my mum. She said next time don't follow him, not because she thinks it was my fault, but because she was worried it might escalate. She is concerned and supportive of whatever I choose to do.

ikeawrappingpaper Sat 17-Sep-16 22:27:32

Thank you stitch

Buzzardbird Sat 17-Sep-16 22:44:03

I need to warn you ikea, I had a partner that 'accidently' pushed me over once. A few weeks later I was fighting for my life as he strangled me on the sofa.

It escalates.

oldlaundbooth Sat 17-Sep-16 22:45:13

It'd be the first and the last time he'd do it.

Namechanger2015 Sat 17-Sep-16 22:48:28

Mine pushed me over and escalated to strangling too.

janethegirl2 Sat 17-Sep-16 22:50:29

It'd be the end for me, not sure if I'd leave or ask him to fuck off though.

janethegirl2 Sat 17-Sep-16 22:53:08

Mine once tried to strangle me and then I kicked him in the balls, he then has been ok ever since. But, in his defence, he was very stressed at the time and has never been aggressive since ( more than 20 years).

keepingonrunning Sat 17-Sep-16 23:01:14

This is the start. It will get worse.
You might think it wasn't much. After all you fell on a soft mattress, you didn't really get hurt. But it's indicative of a fundamental lack of respect.
You can leave now or you can tell him how bad he made you feel, carry on as you are and end up leaving him in 5-10 years instead, when big things have started to happen, having wasted all the time on someone who doesn't value you.

ikeawrappingpaper Sat 17-Sep-16 23:04:48

I'm so sorry that happened to you Buzzard flowers

Maybe I'm naive but I don't feel like he would hurt me.

The atmosphere at home is strained. The other day he was cross with me all day for forgetting to do something or doing the wrong thing, I can't just now remember what it was but it was a minor thing that didn't even affect him.

This evening he's cross because having got the last of the three under fives off to sleep at 9pm, and knowing that he'd said ds1 could stay up to watch a film with him, I have stayed upstairs. He sent me a text earlier saying 'Couldn't be bothered to say good night to your son or me? Snickered off to bed?'

Earlier in the day he was saying he's done lots of childcare today, I said I'd polish his medal and present it to him later (sarky I know, but I had spent all morning cleaning the house and then me a roast dinner) - he made a 'joke' which wasn't really a joke that this meant I had agreed to give him a bj (polish his medal) as a reward. I asked what my reward was for cleaning and cooking. Didn't get an answer.

Having spent all morning cleaning and cooking I sat down for a quick read of a magazine while the yorkshires cooked and he came in and started sorting the spice rack, and talking to me about it and asking questions like did we have any of this or that spice. I explained that I wanted to just read for a few minutes, and could he look for himself. He said he was making small talk and that he wanted to talk to me so he would. That is a petty complaint of mine really but it annoyed me today.

Buzzardbird Sat 17-Sep-16 23:09:16

He's trying to control you.

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