AIBU or am I being taken advantage of?

[lydiar69]

My husband and I both work full-time (our children are both at university). He works six days a week (he is self-employed). I am a full time teacher and this often involves me working extra hours in the evening and at weekends.
He is quite cagey about how much money he earns but it is clearly far more than I do as he is always buying himself presents, clothes, lunches out etc., trips away with the lads, whereas I am always struggling at the end of the month.
We both pay an equal amount into a joint account which pays for the mortgage, bills and food shopping.
If I suggest doing something together, he expects me to pay for both of us if it was my idea. He doesn’t often suggest going out but he will pay if we are doing something that was his suggestion (does that make sense!)
Because he works six days a week, he believes I should do all the housework and shopping on a Saturday. In addition, I do all the cooking, washing, ironing etc. When I said I would sometimes like him to cook, he just replied that I like cooking! Well I do, but I also like running, but don’t want to do it every day!
I just feel a bit taken for granted. I work really hard in a really stressful job but I feel like I am an unpaid housekeeper too. I also feel it’s a bit unfair that we are paying the same for all the household expenses when he earns far more than me.
However, please tell me if I am being an unreasonable old hag!

[milkyface]

YANBU he's absolutely taking the piss out of you.

I find it odd that you don't know his income!

If he's self employed he doesn't have to work 6 days a week if he doesn't want to! Why should you do all the housework?!

I'd be telling him to get his act together or get out to be honest!

[Lilacpink40]

Time for a serious chat. He isn't being fair. You should be putting a proportionally equal anount of money into the joint account. He earns more he puts a higher percentage in.

You could also agree to a chores list. If you're home more you could do more of the chores, but again he can pay more into the joint account. Needs to be fair!

[RandomMess]

I'm just completely taken advantage of.

Equal free time, equal spending money - especially after 20 years of child rearing together!!!

[AmeliaJack]

If your husband suggested to a mate that they go to the pub would he expect to pay for his friends drinks all night?

[Mhoys]

You are an unpaid housekeeper. Luvvley for him - free cooking, cleaning, general housekeeping. Probably free childcare in the past. How did this situation arise? Have you deferred to him for a long time? Why?

[Trifleorbust]

This just doesn't sound like a marriage to me. It sounds like flat mates. I would tell him I expect him to treat me as a partner, and that involves sharing both income and workload. And I would tell him it's non-negotiable. Either it happens, or the relationship is in trouble.

[Trifleorbust]

But flat mates where he gets to keep his income while you clean up after him - weird as well as tight.

[NerrSnerr]

How have you gone on for so long just putting up with this? I bet you also did everything for the children and paid for everything too? It doesn't sound like a partnership at all.

[BolshierAryaStark]

Why do you put up with this? He sounds awful tbh & he is completely taking the piss. How do you not know what he earns??? I can't get my head around that piece of information alone

[BolshierAryaStark]

Also why 3 threads?

[Specialapplek]

He sounds awful.

I'm a SAHM and DH takes over all the cooking on weekends. He also vacuums and mops the floor. I also get free access to his bank account (I'm very responsible ).

[EttaJ]

I'm always amazed by these situations. You're married. It should all go in one account and no one should be struggling and no one should be taking the piss by buying expensive treats for themselves without discussing it. He sounds awful OP.