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AIBU or am I being taken advantage of?

(11 Posts)
lydiar69 Sat 17-Sep-16 16:00:55

My husband and I both work full-time (our children are both at university). He works six days a week (he is self-employed). I am a full time teacher and this often involves me working extra hours in the evening and at weekends.
He is quite cagey about how much money he earns but it is clearly far more than I do as he is always buying himself presents, clothes, lunches out etc., trips away with the lads, whereas I am always struggling at the end of the month.
We both pay an equal amount into a joint account which pays for the mortgage, bills and food shopping.
If I suggest doing something together, he expects me to pay for both of us if it was my idea. He doesn’t often suggest going out but he will pay if we are doing something that was his suggestion (does that make sense!)
Because he works six days a week, he believes I should do all the housework and shopping on a Saturday. In addition, I do all the cooking, washing, ironing etc. When I said I would sometimes like him to cook, he just replied that I like cooking! Well I do, but I also like running, but don’t want to do it every day!
I just feel a bit taken for granted. I work really hard in a really stressful job but I feel like I am an unpaid housekeeper too. I also feel it’s a bit unfair that we are paying the same for all the household expenses when he earns far more than me.
However, please tell me if I am being an unreasonable old hag!

pallasathena Sat 17-Sep-16 17:20:21

Not unreasonable at all. Why are you with him? He sounds seriously tedious.

user1474032640 Sat 17-Sep-16 17:23:14

Not unreasonable at all. It's not fair for one person to have more money in a relationship. Families are supposed to share in my view, that means chores and housework too x

Allofaflumble Sat 17-Sep-16 17:47:20

You feel unvalued and and that hurts, so no you are not being unreasonable at all. How about disappearing for a couple of days so he has something to miss you for. Is that possible?

Charlesroi Sat 17-Sep-16 18:00:40

Sorry DH, but we can't afford this lifestyle any more and we need to take a serious look at the bills to see where we can cut down. I never seem to be able to afford clothes, lunches and nights out with the girls and these things are important to me. Don't even get me started on savings (how much have you got love, btw?)
I know I like cooking but I fucking hate washing, ironing, cleaning and shopping and, as I work 6 days a week too (with admin etc), you'll need to be picking something you can do.

Good luck with the boot up the arse, OP.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 17-Sep-16 18:03:36

He's very entitled!

Tell your dh that he needs to start contributing to the practical tasks in the home as you are thinking of getting a Saturday job to boost your income.

Massive, unpleasant power imbalance in your relationship do you have the strength to stand up to him??? He's been walking all over you!

MatildaTheCat Sat 17-Sep-16 18:07:40

Yes, you know you are.

I hate meanness. All money is for you both in my book. Can't stand that attitude that he earns more so has more treats.

The cooking and housework is a separate and even more annoying factor. If you both work full time why not have a cleaner, preferably on a Friday and just stop cooking some nights. He needs a slap kick up the arse.

And you are with this man at all because.....

What do you get out of this relationship now?

What he is doing here is tantamount to financially abusing you as well as acting like the Big Man to whom all things revolve around. You feel like a housekeeper because you really are one to him. All this is about him wanting and having power and control over you; you have little to no real say in anything. Your role to him is to put up and shut up.

buckingfrolicks Sat 17-Sep-16 18:33:22

Jesus wept if your DCs are at uni that means you've been together donkeys years? And you've only just started to get narked ?

You are one tolerant person. I'd had gone ballistic years ago

He's being a selfish unreasonable arse.

IhatchedaSnorlax Sat 17-Sep-16 18:51:12

Agree with all the others - why are you with him? This level of inequality is terrible & he seriously needs to be put straight.

Naicehamshop Sat 17-Sep-16 18:58:43

I just can't get over the fact that he is buying himself presents while you are struggling to make ends meet! You must see that this isn't right OP -! sad

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