Okay I've name changed and ended up setting up a new account (didn't realise you could name change without doing that) sorry this post is so long. I've tried to provide as much info as possible to set the scene.
I am sitting here in tears and really need somebody to talk to. Can I please ask for a bit of hand holding and gentle advice...?
I've been married to DH for 22 years. We have 2 boys aged 21 and 14. We have had our ups and downs. We've been through a few bad patches but always have managed to work things out.
DH is caring, funny, unselfish, loving and can't do enough for me. Friends who have known us through the years playfully say that I've got him wrapped around my little finger. Because generally he can't do enough for me. I would also consider myself to be the same with him. There have been times that he has said that he feels lucky as I am so understanding and he has described me as his best friend. As I would him.
Three years ago, he demonstrated the love he has for me as I made a very big decision effecting the family which involved him making a huge sacrifice. I cannot reveal anymore info as the situation is quite unique and it would reveal my identify. I just wanted it out there that regardless I know how deep he loves me. People have told me that they are jealous about my husband being so loving.
We have always kind of bickered. He tends to have a dry sometimes sarcastic sense of humour and for many years I have found it difficult as there have been times that I have taken offence when I have thought he has been joking. My weakness,which I acknowledge, is that I can be very sensitive.
Lately, we just seem to not be able to be in the same room together. The bickering seems to have morphed into full on disagreements about anything and everything. He can be moody at times (as I can be) but has a tendency to storm off when we are having a disagreement and I am talking. His moodiness and storming off reminds me of one of the boys..not a 44 grown man! I am a "let's sit down and sort this out" kind of person and hate ending or beginning the day on an argument. He sometimes agrees to sort things out but the last couple of disagreements, he has said " you always have to have the last word on everything" Generally, he will apologise to me for snapping but sometimes he doesn't and things just eventually generally return to normal.
He has said some hurtful things which he has later apologised for. Things like "you are dragging me down" and "not everyone can be as perfect as you" he seems to say something along the lines about I feel the need to point score which I have no idea what he means by that.
If I ask him "what the hell is wrong with you!" And his reply is always "you!" So then I will say.. "Well if I'm that bad, why are you with me!"
Last weekend we had the worst argument we have had in the years we have been together. He said some really hurtful things involving the fact he thinks I am a complete nag at the boys and I am the cause of all the friction in the house. (DS2 is testing a few boundaries at 14yrs and I have been on his back a bit involving hygiene and homework) But My god that comment hurt and so I retaliated. He stormed off and didn't come home until Sunday night. I took Monday off work to try and sort things out. We made up but things are still not right. I feel that I am treading on eggshells and the slightest thing I say will result in an argument. So I've just held my tongue. I'm completely emotionally worn out by all this and I am starting to panic about the state of my marriage. I'm hoping it's just a phase and things will go back to normal but how long the hell do I handle this?
This morning he has arranged to go away for the weekend with his male friend, his son and our DS2 on a boys activity weekend. Last night we went to bed on bad terms again over something and nothing. I feel like he takes me the wrong way and he says the same about me. This morning he woke up all happy as he was looking forward to the weekend ahead. He was messing around with the dog and singing and I could hear him whistling in the kitchen. I came downstairs half asleep and commented that it was the happiest I had seen him for a long time. He looked shocked and asked me why I said that.So I just said (and I was careful at the tone in my voice) that lately he has been miserable and moody and feel likeI'm treading around on eggshells. He took it as a criticism instead of an observation and said "oh for gods sake don't start just as I am leaving to go away.. Thanks a lot." I tried to explain to him that all I was doing was making an observation and that he did ask. I told him that he just doesn't see it. He replied that he thinks that the issue is with me and he is just responding to me and my tone.
I just don't know what to do. What if he is right and maybe I have been the cause of the arguments? What if it's actually me that's been speaking to him like a piece of shit instead of the other way around?Short of pressing record on my phone next time a disagreement erupts how do I deal with this?
Is it normal to bicker and fall out whilst still being in a happy marriage?
I have the weekend to myself (DS1 is away for the weekend as well) and no one to turn to. I had made plans to see a friend tonight but she's cancelled so I am sitting here feeling drained, alone and sorry for myself. Ive just spent the last half hour crying and staring at the wall I just feel like curling up in my duvet with the dog.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Really unhappy..please tell me whether this is normal and acceptable?
Tomhardysmistress · 17/09/2016 13:08
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